


Dollhouse

by DraconianElves



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Dadster, Dancetale?, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Frisk Uses Sign Language, M/M, Named Reader, Pair Bonding, Reader Is Not Frisk, Reader is "I", SO MUCH FLUFF, Sans is Pure and Needs Help, Soulmates, The Void, also angst, maybe smut?, papyrus is pure, sorta?, we'll see
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-02-09 05:06:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12880779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DraconianElves/pseuds/DraconianElves
Summary: I've been teaching dance classes in this little town at the base of Mount Ebott for almost five years now. Frisk is pretty new in town, bumped here from a foster home in the city, poor thing. They seem to love the class, and they were just starting to settle in when a social worker assigned to their case came to tell me they'd be moving Frisk back to the city.Frisk overheard, and ran away. It didn't take me long to realize they'd been paying a bit too much attention to my stories about the mountain. God, when would I learn to keep my stupid mouth shut?Because fifty years ago, another child fell.





	1. Lost Girl

**Author's Note:**

> A'ight, so this is my first AO3 fic! (I definitely encourage creative criticism, but no flames please. Those don't help anybody.)
> 
> So. I've recently been on a Sans/Reader kick, but apparently I'm in the minority of people who feel a more immediate connection to an "I" narrator rather than a story told in the second person. So I thought I'd write one!
> 
> As a quick note: this fic is gonna be sorta/kinda Dancetale, so each chapter (or as many as I can manage) will have a song to go with it. This first one is Lindsey Stirling's "Lost Girls". Check her out!!
> 
> Please enjoy!

I’d never run so fast in my life.

 _Stupid stupid stupid_. Why had I opened my damn mouth? They were so smart, so quick, I should have known-

No. No time for that. Just keep running, I had to keep running, had to find them. “Frisk!” My voice fell flat in the growing darkness, the mountain too big for an echo, sucking in all the sound as it always had. “Frisk! C’mon, sweetheart, answer me. Please, Frisk!”

Nothing. Of course, they’d gotten much too big of a head start for us to even have a hope of catching up. Still, I had to keep trying. I couldn’t just let them go.

They must have climbed right to the top of the mountain. I’d checked the tunnel, afraid they’d have been clever enough to figure out where it was from my stories. Maybe they had, but luckily- Christ, I thought it was lucky now- it was still caved in. No sign of the child.

“Frisk, please, just listen to me!” I called into the empty gloom of the trees. An early autumn gust suddenly kicked up, rattling the branches and cutting me down to the bone with chill. God, talk about déjà vu. “I won’t let them take you away!” I knew my voice wasn’t reaching them, but I had to keep trying. “There’s gotta be another family here you can stay with…”

I winced even as I said it. Quite aside from being a pretty poor method of enticement, I wasn’t even sure if it was true. At least the social workers who had joined the search party weren’t in earshot. I fought down an instinctive swell of rage at the thought of that scrawny man with his simpering little smile. Blaming him for this whole mess wasn’t going to solve anything.

Made me feel a bit better though.

I kept shouting for Frisk, silently praying to any and all gods that might be listening to keep them safe.

 

_*Fifty Years Ago*_

 

It was dark and cold and damp in the tunnel, rough stone scraping at my palms and knees with every inch I moved, but I pressed forward. I could hear water running somewhere ahead of me, down down down into the rock, and a soft whimper worked its way up through my dry throat.

My hand suddenly skidded as I leaned my weight onto it and a jagged edge of the cavern wall sliced open my palm. I clapped my other hand over my mouth to stifle the instinctive cry of pain that bounced angrily around the tunnel and my eyes went wide.

I had to keep quiet. This little tunnel had been a safe haven in the past, but if someone heard me now they’d know where it was, might even wall it off so I could never come back. Granted, the chances were low that they’d still be searching this part of Mount Ebott for me after five days, if they were even searching at all. Still, I couldn’t be too careful.

Hissing and whimpering softly, I drew my injured hand back toward my chest and tore at the hem of my blouse. It was sloppy, but I managed to get the ragged strip of cloth wrapped around the cut and tied off, though I could still feel it bleeding sluggishly. Cautiously I started forward again, more sliding and wriggling down the tunnel than I was crawling now.

Honestly, there probably would have been enough room for me to stand up- it was hard to tell in the dark- but the floor sloped downward at such a steep angle that I didn’t trust my feet, preferring to inch my way forward on my belly.

I thought the sound of water was getting louder, the gentle trickle slowly building to a soft rushing and lapping. I licked at my cracked lips and sat back on my haunches, pressed up against the curved wall of the cavern to keep myself in place, both hands braced against a jutting rock in front of me. My breath came in sharp pants and I clenched my eyes shut.

Just a little further. I can go a little further, just a few more minutes, then I can have something to drink. I took a few more breaths and started to swing my legs out in front of me. Maybe it would be easier to scooch down the tunnel on my butt.

The blood from my wounded palm had soaked through the makeshift bandage, and as I shuffled around in the tight space my palm skidded against the rock and I lost my balance. Instinctively I kicked my feet against the floor, looking for traction, but my bare soles just skidded against the damp stone and then I was tumbling head over heels down the sloping tunnel.

It was a blur of darkness and panic, heart in my throat and a high-pitched, wordless shriek echoing back up the cavern behind me as I twisted and rolled. It felt like the floor was getting steadily steeper, I could feel myself picking up speed-

_Help, help, please somebody help me!_

Light, blinding after so many days in darkness. I squinted my eyes and cried out again, uselessly.

CRACK!

My head struck something solid, and once again everything was black.

 

* * *

 

 

“Hel…”

“…someone.”

“…go to…”

“…ild?”

“Child?”

I whimpered and curled in on myself, flinching away from the voice. “Puh-Please, don’t!” I winced as my throat protested the sudden shout. My lips were so dry they cracked and began to bleed.

I wanted to get up, get to my feet and start running, running anywhere, but I couldn’t. I could barely focus passed the dull ache that seemed to have set into every nerve of my body. They’d sent the police after me, they’d heard me scream when I started to fall and they’d pulled me from the tunnel. They were going to take me back…

I started sobbing, a tight ball of misery curled against the soft grass. My hand was still bleeding, and it felt like I might’ve twisted my ankle. I’d only done it once before, so I couldn’t be sure. “Please don’t, I don’t want to go back, please please please-“

“Oh, child.” The stranger’s voice was a low sigh, a little rough around the edges in a way I’d never heard before. I felt someone shift toward me and I flinched again. There was a hesitation, then the feel of a gentle hand pressing against my shoulder. “Shh, shh,” the stranger murmured as I gasped and tried to twist away. I finally opened my eyes.

And I froze. My entire body just locked into place, lips slightly parted and eyes huge with shock as I stared up into the face of a monster.

He looked…almost human, at first. Pale, with eyes black as night holding two pinpricks of light instead of pupils, but still vaguely human. If you didn’t count the two long, thin cracks that branched his face.

Then I blinked, tried to focus, and I saw that the turtleneck he wore didn’t quite hide the fact that each vertebrae of his neck was distinctly visible. The mouth that had been pursed with worry curved up softly at the corners and I caught a flash of sharp canines.

“Easy, human,” he murmured, and his voice thrummed through my body in a way that almost made me sleepy. I might have passed out right there, if I wasn’t frozen with terror. “I’m sure this is a shock to you, but I promise I mean you no harm, child.” The two points of light in his empty eyes flickered over me and that concerned tightness came back to his mouth. “You are hurt.” One hand still gently resting on my shoulder, he held the other out toward me. “I can help you, if you let me. Come with me.”

I stared at his hand, then his face, then back again. “You- you won’t…take me back?”

His brow furrowed. It was strange, seeing skin that I was slowly beginning to realize wasn’t really skin furrow, but he managed it somehow. He glanced up. “Back. You mean back there?”

He pointed, and I tilted my head back to see a small hole in the cavern’s ceiling that arched far, far above us. I blinked. How had I even survived that fall?

As if reading my mind, the monster smiled softly again and nodded behind me. “It seems you were lucky, little one. A few feet left or right and I don’t think we’d be having this conversation.”

I glanced around- ouch! Bad idea- and saw what he meant. There was a gentle slope of hill behind me, a clear track through the grasses and almost gently glowing blue flowers where a small body had rolled from the top to where I now lay. Seemed like the drop from the ceiling to the top of the hill wasn’t actually all that far.

Certainly didn’t feel like it though. The pain suddenly reasserted itself as my shock began to fade slightly and I felt my lower lip start to quiver. I clamped it quickly between my teeth and dropped my head forward, trying to hide the telltale glimmer of tears.

“Oh- oh no, girl, it’s alright. Here, doll, look at me.” The monster awkwardly patted the top of my head. “Please, just come with me. I promise I can help you.” There was a long, taught moment of quiet, then he added, “And I won’t take you back. On my honor.”

I glanced up at his face again…and then suddenly I was bawling. Heedless of the cuts, bruises, and aching bones, I threw myself forward into his arms and just cried, burying my face in his chest. The comforting smell of wood smoke, lavender, and something I couldn’t quite identify filled my nose and I nuzzled into him almost unconsciously.

He was surprisingly warm. The sheer icy whiteness of him made me think he’d be chill to the touch, but he felt even warmer than a human.

“Oh! Oh my. Um…well. There- there, there.” He patted my back hesitantly. Then I felt him sigh and his arms slid around me, wrapping me up and lifting me easily as he stood with a soft humming sound. I winced and gasped quietly and he murmured, “Sorry, sorry, little one. We’ll get you home quickly and make it all better, I promise.”

Despite all the reasons why I shouldn’t, I trusted him. I nodded tiredly and let my head rest against his shoulder as we started to move. The steady, long-legged gait slowly began to lull me to sleep.

“Ah, ah. Sorry, dear, but none of that. You may have a concussion, I need you to stay awake.”  
I pouted, but forced my eyes open to see him looking down at me with that same furrowed-brown tight-mouthed concern. “There we are. Now, tell me how exactly you got here.”

“Mm…” I sort of shrugged and he adjusted the way he was cradling me against his chest. He was so much bigger than I’d realized when he’d been crouched down, he almost completely enveloped me. “I ran away,” I mumbled.

“Oh?” His hand moved soothingly up and down my back as he walked. “And why is that?”

I frowned. “Mrs. Melinger wanted to send me back to the orphanage in the city. I don’t like it there, I wanted to stay here. But no one wanted to ‘dopt me here, so…”

“Ah. I see.” There was a brief, considering sort of pause. “And you…found a tunnel or some such thing that led to that hole you fell through?”

“Uh-huh.” I tried to stifle a yawn and answered on a sleepy sigh, “Found it ‘fore, when I was esplorin’ the mountain. But Mrs. Melinger said I wasn’t allowed to come up here anymore.” I blinked. “I mean, up there. Said it was dangerous. But it’s not. I like it up there, and I didn’t wanna leave.”

“Hmm.” The monster had moved to trailing his fingers gently over my shoulder, the one that was sorer- I guess I’d landed on it. Aside from sleepy, I slowly started to realize that I felt…better. Not just warm and safe, but better. There was less hurt, the myriad cuts and bruises fading to the duller but fuller pains of my gashed palm, twisted ankle, and aching head.

“Hey.” I tried to raise my head fuzzily. I glanced at my shoulder and saw a soft golden glow surrounding long, thin fingers. “Wassat?”  
The monster’s chuckle rumbled in his chest and vibrated comfortingly through my whole body. “A little magic,” he replied easily. “Trying to heal you up a bit. It can’t do much for the bigger hurts without a closer look, I’m afraid, but it works wonders for cuts and bruises and the like.”

“Oh.” Magic. Of course. That made sense. “Are we almost there?” I asked around another yawn.

He chuckled again. “Yes, we are. Just a few more minutes, doll.”

“M’kay.” I dropped my head back onto his shoulder. There was a sudden shift in the air, the temperature cooled, and I shivered and pressed closer to the heat of him.

“Yes, sorry about that. We’ll get you a proper coat before all this is over,” I heard him mutter, but I wasn’t sure he was really talking to me. When I didn’t respond, he cleared his throat and prompted, “What’s your name, child?”

I shrugged. “Don’t have one. Last place called me Ellie. One ‘afore that was, um…Jane. Mrs. Melinger just calls me Gal.”

There was a sudden stiffness to his shoulder as he murmured a rather clipped, “Is that so.” A beat of silence, then he sighed and stroked my ratty, tangled hair. “We’ll just have to fix that too, I suppose.”

I grinned into his shoulder. “Hey, Mister?”

“Yes, doll?”

“Are you gonna adopt me?”

There was a sudden hitch in his step and I squeaked and clung to him tighter. He gave a breathy, surprised sort of laugh and shook his head. “I- Well, I…” He cleared his throat, still sort of laughing, and said kind of helplessly, “I guess we’ll just have to see.”

Well. It was better than most of what I heard in response to that question. I’d take it.

“Alright. Here we are, sweetheart.”

I blinked, wondering if I’d fallen asleep after all. It didn’t feel like we’d been walking all that long, but I wasn’t about to question it. The monster fumbling around in his pocket for something, shifting me to his hip, and eventually produced a set of keys. I tried to take a quick look around before he ushered us inside, but all I could see was white drifts and a few spiraling flakes, a glimpse of snow covered houses.

Huh. Weird. It was early autumn, there shouldn’t have been snow yet…

But then we were in the house and my rescuer quickly settled me onto a sort of faded green couch and gave me a quick, soft smile before he straightened up. He tucked an obscenely fluffy blanket around me and suddenly called out, “Sans! Grab the first aid kit and get in here, quickly please.”

“Wha- why? Dad, what’s going on?” Yet another new voice, though this one was much younger. Sounded almost like someone my age, maybe. There was a hurried pat pat pat as someone came running down the stairs and I twisted a bit to get a better look at the newcomer.

This one was quite obviously a monster, even at first glance. Like the tall one, he was bone pale with dark hollows and points of light for eyes, but it was easier to see that his face- his whole head really- looked more like a skull than a person. Well, sort of. Honestly, he looked more like one of those cartoony skeletons people put pictures up of during Halloween than the pictures in my mammalian anatomy book. The vertebrae of his spine that I could see peeking above the color of a rather wrinkled t-shirt were too thick, like the bones in his hands and what was exposed of his legs by his shorts. All in all he looked like he might even be bigger than me, just a bit, which I knew shouldn’t work. A skeleton went inside someone’s body, it wasn’t supposed to- to be the body.

“That’s not right,” I said bluntly, pointing at him.

The second he caught sight of me the smaller monster had frozen in place, black eyes very wide. Those pinpricks of light flickered rapidly from me to his father and back. The white box he clutched to his chest suddenly started to vibrate as his hands shook and he glared.

“What the hell, Dad?!”

“Language,” the older monster chastised, easily taking the first aid kit from him. I blinked as I stared at them both. The little one definitely didn’t like me, I could practically feel the animosity pulsing from him. I swallowed thickly and sunk back into the blanket.

“Here, child.” I snapped my head up to find a piece of gauze suddenly pressed to my hairline and I hissed. I hadn’t even realized I was bleeding there. The monster started taping the gauze down, then moved on to my hand, which I gave him easily. “Where is your brother?” he asked briskly as he worked.

“Napping. Dad, seriously, what is going on. That’s a-!”

“I know what she is, Sans.” My caretaker sighed and knelt, then gave me a kind smile. “I need to see your ankle, doll.”

I shifted to give him my foot, winced, then looked over his shoulder at the smaller one. His son. “So…you’re both monsters?”

The kid- Sans- narrowed his eyes at me, and those little points of light flashed gold for the briefest instant. I started, but then it was over. Had that even really happened? A low growl thrummed through the air and I shrank back with a small squeak, eyes wide.

“Sans.” His father’s voice was soft, but firm. “Not now. We’ll discuss this later.” He straightened up and gave me another smile and a pat on the head. “Your ankle should be all fixed, but be gentle with it. No concussion, fixed that up when I was tending to that cut on your head, so it’s alright for you to get some sleep.”

Still a little nervous, I cast a questioning glance toward Sans. “Um…okay. Thank you, Mister.”

He chuckled- Sans’ glower deepened- and said, “Gaster, doll. Just call me Gaster.”

I nodded, then snuggled into the couch with a yawn. Even if the kid didn’t like me, I knew enough about grownups to know he wouldn’t dare go against his father. It was probably okay to sleep. “Alright. Thanks, Gaster.”

“You’re very welcome. Sans, come on, let’s check on your brother. Then we can…talk.”

I almost didn’t catch the reply- something about “She’s not getting anywhere near Pap”- because I was already starting to slip into unconsciousness.

 

_*Present Day*_

 

I reached the top of the mountain, breath ragged and legs burning. I manage to stagger to the edge of the gaping hole where the barrier stretched thin and collapsed to my knees. I reached out instinctively, eyes clenched shut and brow furrowed with concentration.

A ripple, a shiver in the magic. That- that shouldn’t have been possible. The barrier was thin, but it was still there! Frisk should have been…they should have…  
But they hadn’t.

I heard footsteps, shouting voices approaching. “Miss Dahlia? Have you found anything?”

I opened my mouth, choked, and tried again. “They-“ My voice was cracked and rough, almost a whisper. “They fell.”


	2. What's in a Name?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories of beginning to find one's place in the Underground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's song is "Mir Da'len Sominar"

I’m not even sure how I managed to stumble home. The sky had gone sort of gray toward the horizon, that false, predawn light. I managed to stagger up the stairs to my apartment door and more or less fell through it, exhausted and hollow.

“Mrrow?” Cat- who must have been sitting at the window waiting for me- came bounding over and rubbed up against my legs, purring and batting at my feet in a demand to be fed.

“Alright, girl,” I mumbled automatically, and shuffled toward the kitchen. I was on autopilot as I got out her bowl and measured a cup of food into it. My brain felt like it had somehow simultaneously stalled and was whirring at a million miles an hour.

I kept turning the argument over in my mind, wishing I’d said something different. The slimeball- Aster, that was his name, something Aster- had come to pick up Frisk from their dance lesson, and I’d demanded to know why.

“We’re taking them home to the Coopers to have a talk about their future,” was the response. I remembered casting a nervous look at Frisk, sure that they knew what that meant as much as I did. I’d asked them to help me out by putting away the ribbons we’d been using during the free dance, hoping it would get them out of earshot. Then I’d laid into him.

They _couldn’t_ take Frisk away. The kid was just starting to come out of their shell, a bit, to make friends! Christ, they’d even _spoken_ to me- only once, but still! It had been enough to prompt me to start filling out paper work for fostering myself.

Damnit. I knew I’d be no good as a mother for them, but I couldn’t just let the kid keep getting bounced around. At least they’d be in one place, maybe have some friends. And it would buy some time to find them a real home, a forever home.

But my life wasn’t stable enough, as Aster was all too thrilled to remind me. And that was about the time I’d realized it had been suspiciously quiet in the supply closet.

Frisk must have booked it out the tiny window. Lord knew they were skinny enough. _Idiot. Stupid, stupid. I had to open my big mouth. They didn’t know my foster application had been rejected, that was the worst way for them to find out…_

Somehow I’d wound up on the couch, Cat curled up on my stomach as she stared at me with those big, lamp-like eyes. Sort of belatedly, I realized I was crying as I absently stroked her smooth black fur.

“They’re just a kid,” I whispered into the steadily brightening dawn. “And I- I can’t follow, Cat. I’ve tried, I’ve _tried,_ but I can’t get back… Damnit.” I let my head fall back against the arm of the couch. _“Damnit!_ Fuck, just- God.”

They ran because they didn’t think they were wanted. If I could have just talked with them, tried to make them understand… But honestly who knew what good that would have done. Not like I had a spectacular track record.

Cat mewed and started kneading at my chest. I cuddled her close and turned onto my side. I had to be up in two hours to get to the studio, then I had to try to convince Aster and his partner that Frisk wasn’t a lost cause…and I had to…find them…

 

_*Fifty Years Ago*_

 

Steadily rising voices pulled me from sleep. I yawned and sort of swayed into an upright position, rubbing at my eyes tiredly.

The living room was dark, save for the grayish light that filtered through the snowy windows. I yawned again and sort of shuffled my way off the couch, still clutching the blanket around my shoulders as I padded curiously around the room.

Windows, at least six inches of snow sitting heavily on the sill outside. A door- locked, of course, but the knob sort of creaked in an unsettling way when I tugged at it experimentally. Couch, coffee table, a TV… It looked like a normal living room.

Which was weird. Shouldn’t a monster house be more…monstery?

There were three doors leading into the living room, and a set of stairs against the far wall. One door, when I peeked around it, led into one of those tiny not-quite-a-bathrooms. The other wasn’t a door so much as an open arch, and I scurried past it instinctively, catching a whiff of something that smelled like kitchen soup.

Probably the kitchen, then. I tossed the blanket back onto the couch as I made my way back across the room.

The third door was sort of tucked back under the stairs, but it opened up onto a regular old hallway, not the tiny cupboard I’d been expecting. Curious now, I crept my way down the hall, glancing around warily.

There was another set of stairs at the end of the hallway, and I paused at the top. _Maybe I should just…_ I chewed at my bottom lip, torn between going back to the living room and further exploration. On the one hand, I had no idea who these people were- where they were, come to think of it- what might be in this house, or even how angry they might get at my poking around. On the other hand…

I _really_ wanted to know what was down there.

Quiet as I could, I crept my way down the stairs, careful to step close to the wall where they were least likely to creak, a little habit I’d learned quickly in and out of different children’s homes.

I caught the sound of muffled voices the closer I got to the bottom of the stairs, and my attention was drawn to a rectangle of light that poured from behind a closed door. Carefully, I tiptoed into the little basement room and took a quick glance around as I shuffled toward the door with the voices. Hmm…some sort of office? There was a chair, a desk, a few scattered books and papers…

“Sans, arguing about this is not really an option.” I froze as Gaster’s voice suddenly came clearly through the door and my head snapped around.

“You can’t be serious about _keeping_ her.” That was the little one’s voice- Sans. He was angry. Shocker. It was a soft sort of anger though, the kind that burned under an otherwise calm, almost lazy tone.

I’d never heard a kid sound _that_ kind of angry before.

“I am quite serious, Sans,” his father replied evenly. I was a bit surprised; it wasn’t often I heard adults talk to children like that, like they were really _listening._ “However, it is still just a consideration. Though I can’t very well just kick her out into the Underground on her own.”

I shivered at the thought and had to work at holding in a small gasp. They wouldn’t really…would they?

“So give her to the Guard.” Sans almost sounded like he was pouting. “Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?”

There was something almost like a whine in his voice, but it wasn’t plaintive or irritated, it was… Fear. He was afraid. Of me?  
Gaster sighed. “Sans… You don’t know what will happen. The last human- he wasn’t a child. It wouldn’t be like that. The king…he has to…” Another sigh, and his voice dropped almost to a whisper. “She’s just a little girl. I wasn’t expecting…”

I didn’t understand what they were talking about, but I knew it probably wasn’t good for me. I’d been stupid, I’d let the desperation for a sense of safety and belonging make me thing I’d be alright here, maybe even wanted.

“If I can examine her Soul, maybe I can help fix this,” Gaster suddenly muttered. It sounded like he was talking more to himself than his son. Then he sighed yet again and added in a softer tone, “But this isn’t your problem to worry about Sans. I know having her here makes you nervous, but you have to believe in me. First and foremost, I will keep this family safe. That is my top priority. You trust that, don’t you?”

“I-“ He paused, took a breath, then mumbled, “Yeah, Dad. ‘Course I do.” He finally sounded like a child.

It struck me suddenly that this was a boy not much older than me, if appearances could be trusted. And he was afraid. That was why he seemed so angry. It was the kind of anger you used to feel strong when you wanted to pretend you weren’t scared. So many of the other kids at Melinger’s used that anger, and at the place before. I used it, when I had to. It was suddenly hard to be irritated with him.

I started to back my way toward the stairs as quietly as possible. I had next to no idea what was going on, but one thing seemed crystal clear: I was not wanted here. And in my experience, when someone doesn’t want you, they’ll always find a way to get rid of you. Better to just do it yourself.

Not to mention it might be in my own best interest to skedaddle, what with all the talk of a Guard or whatever.

I didn’t think about the fact that the snow must have been two feet deep outside, that I had absolutely no idea where I was or how to get back to the mountain, that everyone down here was a monster- I _couldn’t_ think about that. It I did I’d be too scared to go.

I scurried back up the stairs and made my way quickly as I could back to the living room. I paused.

Shoes. Shoes and a coat.

I didn’t have either.

But…there was the blanket Gaster had wrapped me up in. A flash of guilt and longing rose up in my chest as I snatched it, but I pushed it away. No time for that, no room. The blanket should be enough to get me through the snow, at least. My memory of the walk from where I’d fallen to this house was fuzzy, but I didn’t _think_ it was that far, and it hadn’t been too cold there. Okay, what else? Had to move fast, move fast- food! Maybe I could raid the kitchen quick and be gone before the monsters thought to check on me. I glanced around quickly, but it didn’t look like Gaster and his son were planning on coming out of that weird office space real soon. I darted into the kitchen, or the room I guessed was the kitchen.

And froze. I’d forgotten there was a third monster in the house.

 _“Where is your brother?”_ Gaster had asked.

Of course, once I got over the initial shock of seeing someone else in the kitchen I’d expected to be empty, I realized why _“Napping”_   had been the answer. The tiny skeleton creature staring up at me couldn’t have been much higher than my waist, and I wasn’t exactly a giant. He wrapped bony little fingers around the edge of his playpen and grinned at me.

“Hi! Hi!”

“Um…” I backed up a step automatically, looking around. Great, he was going to get their attention if he didn’t quiet down. “Uh, sorry. I, um…”

He frowned a bit in that confused way little kids had and cocked his head to the side. “Who’re you?” His voice was high and piping, and I winced as I knew it must be carrying through the house.

“I’m…a friend,” I mumbled for lack of a better answer. Cautiously, I crept around the large playpen and started shuffling through the cabinets. I’d just have to work faster than I’d thought, that was all.

“Friend?” His eyes got very bright- I wasn’t even sure how that was possible, with this family’s eyes. “Friend!” He wriggled around excitedly, and I sort of smiled over  
my shoulder at him despite myself.

I’d always liked the little ones. They weren’t as scared, as used to the routine as us older kids in places like Mrs. Melinger’s. I was no expert on monsters, but he was acting like any other happy three- or four-year-old.

“You wanna play?” His eyes got very big in his tiny face and he held up…a puzzle cube? A _solved_ puzzle cube?!

Okay. Maybe _not_ three, then. Or monsters were just all geniuses.

Huh. That was a vaguely terrifying thought.

“Um…” I glanced at the open cabinet and licked nervously at my lips. Then, slowly, I stood and bumped the cabinet closed with a sigh.

Just a few minutes. Then I’d go. Besides, playing with the kid might keep him quiet. I smiled as I hopped over the edge of the playpen and sat cross-legged in front of him. “Alright. I’m not very good at these, though,” I warned him with a dramatically annoyed face that made him giggle.

“Okay! ‘S’okay!” he assured me, patting my knee as he handed a different cube over, this one still all jumbled up. “Keep…uh…keep tryin’! Dadda says keep tryin’.” He started messing with his own cube, resetting it.

I couldn’t help chuckling as I watched him. The little orange onesie covered pretty much everything except his hands, face, and feet, but what I could see didn’t seem all that much different from the bigger ones. Skeletons-but-not, bones a little too thick and faces a bit too malleable. “What’s your name?” I asked quietly as I gave the cube a few halfhearted twists.

“Paps!”

I giggled. I couldn’t help it, he was just so excited about everything, even more than most kids his age. “I like that name,” I told him, and reached out to sort of rub the top of his head playfully.

He giggled and rolled away from me, then suddenly sprang forward and slammed into my middle, knocking me back with a sharp _“Oohf!”_ I blinked in surprise as he sat up on my belly, laughing manically and clapping his hands.

“’Prised you!”

I huffed out a startled sort of laugh. “Yeah, you did, bud,” I agreed with an eye roll. “Mind lettin’ me back up?”

“Nuh-uh!” The giggles just wouldn’t stop, ringing cheerfully off the walls and floor of the kitchen. “Yer my pris’ner! ‘M gonna win!”

I laughed and reached up to tickle his ribs without thinking, like I might have with any of the littler ones at Melinger’s. “Oh yeah? What if I tickle you into surrender?”  
Paps shrieked with laughter and rolled off of me, wriggling and kicking as he flailed at me. I laughed myself, unable to help it as I managed to get back into an upright position and patted his head again.

“Huh.”

“Indeed.”

Once again I found myself freezing in shock. The little one continued to giggle happily and babble at me, but I wasn’t paying much attention, dragging my eyes to the doorway where Gaster and Sans both stood. The older monster was smiling in an almost befuddled sort of way, though there was a bit of sternness behind his eyes that made me wonder if he _really_ trusted me so close to the little kid. The younger was just staring at us- at _me-_ expressionlessly.

“Dadda!” Paps finally seemed to notice his father’s presence and bounced eagerly to the edge of the playpen, arms lifted in a demand to be picked up.

Gaster smiled, and any trace of that calculating severity vanished as he bent and hefted the toddler onto his hip. “Papyrus, have you been playing with our guest?” The kid giggled again and nodded happily.

Papyrus. I guessed Paps must’ve been a nickname.

Sans hadn’t taken his eyes- eye lights...whatever- off me, face still blank as he seemed to be studying me. A little huffy and embarrassed I’d been caught goofing around with the baby, I folded my arms and jutted my chin out at him.

For some reason that seemed to amuse him. He almost cracked a smile, but looked away from me quickly before he really could. “You okay, Pap?” he asked his brother, reaching up as the small child stretched a hand down toward him, humming happily when he got ahold of a bony finger. He _actually_ smiled then, a softness coming into his face that I wouldn’t have thought possible with this bunch.

Huh. He looked like his dad.

“Ah’ good.” Papyrus swung their joined hands happily and pointed at me. “She’s new friend, yeah?”

Sans shot another sidelong look at me, smiling shrinking a bit and going sharp at the edges. Literally, I saw a flash of teeth that could only be described as fangs. Gulp. “…We’ll see,” he mumbled.

“Sans, be nice,” Gaster murmured as he passed Papyrus off to his brother. He swept gracefully into the kitchen, easily weaving around the playpen and scattered toys, and moved to a pot that had been simmering on the stove. “Dinner’s almost ready. Boys, mind helping me set the table?”

I stood stock still in the middle of the room, completely bewildered by his apparent lack of interest in my presence.

Sans shrugged and plopped his brother onto his feet so the younger monster could cling to his leg as he moved toward the table. “Sure. C’mon, Paps, help me with the spoons.”

“We havin’ ghetti?”

I thought I saw Gaster roll his eyes and Sans pressed a hand to his mouth like he was suppressing a laugh. “Nah, bro. Soup tonight, remember? Good for our…guest.” He finally acknowledged me, giving me a sharp look before jerking his head toward the table. “You gonna help?”

I started slightly and took an automatic step forward, then paused. “Ah…is it really okay if I…” I looked from Sans to Gaster, eyes wide. Any thoughts of taking off had completely fled my mind by now. Sure, they weren’t exactly gushing, but…they didn’t seem ready to kick me out just yet. Maybe I could last here a little longer.

Gaster smiled at me over his shoulder and nodded. “Of course. And we’d very much appreciate your help in preparation if you are going to partake in the meal.”

I crinkled my nose up a bit- this guy talked like the old black-and-white movies my first foster mom had loved- and nodded once, sharply. “M’kay.” I moved where  
Sans directed, grabbing a handful of tableware and following his lead as we set places.

“Thank you, doll,” Gaster said, suddenly appearing behind me. I squeaked and nearly tossed a spoon at him, whipping around with wide eyes. “Oh! Forgive me, child, I did not mean to startle you.”

“Take it easy, human,” Sans snorted, helping his brother into a highchair. He suddenly tilted his head at me in a considering sort of way. “Well…we can’t just keep callin’ her that, can we?” He looked to his father, then back at me.

Gaster chuckled and pulled out a chair, which I belated realized was for me and scrambled into. “No. It would probably be wise to come up with some other moniker.”  
Sans rolled his eyes. “What is your name then?” he asked me, still cool but at least less hostile now.

I shrugged. “Had lotsa names. Doesn’t really matter to me.”

That seemed to give him pause. He looked to Gaster again, questioning. Gaster made some quick gestures and he replied in kind, speaking with their hands. Then he looked back to me and mumbled, “Guess you should pick one then.” Suddenly a grin stretched across his face, a glint of something light mischief lighting his eyes.

“Or we could just keep callin’ ya Doll, like Dad’s been doing.”

“Sans.” Gaster narrowed his eyes slightly. “That doesn’t seem entirely-“

“I like it.”

They both blinked and looked at me, startled. I was beaming, I couldn’t help it. I did like the name, for some reason- even if it wasn’t “really” a name, so to speak. I liked the way Gaster said it, like he was puzzled by sort of fond at the same time. I shrugged again, though I felt a little lighter. “I like Doll. I can be Doll.”

Father and son exchanged another look, and Sans shrugged. “Alright. Doll, then.”

Papyrus, gnawing absently on his spoon, grinned around the utensil at me. “Hi, Dolly!”

I smiled back and gave him a little wave. “Hi, Paps.”

Dinner was pretty uneventful after that. Sans still shot me wary looks with every other spoonful, but Gaster was cool and politely friendly as ever- and of course kids will always be kids. Paps was bright and cheerful and babbled away at me with his limited vocabulary and significantly less limited variety of baby talk, which I understood maybe half of. After a while, I started to think that maybe...maybe this would be okay after all.

There was a bit of a hitch when Gaster announced it was "time for children to be in bed". The boys each had their own room, but there wasn't a spare. 

"Wi' me!" Papyrus immediately offered, grinning at me. Sans snorted and muttered something that might have been, "No way in hell."

Gaster chuckled and rubbed his son's head. "No, I think not, Pap. for tonight at least, you can sleep on the couch in my office," he said, turning his attention to me. "I know it's not the most comfortable, but don't worry. It's not permanent, we'll come up with something else."

I nodded slowly. "So...where's that?"

I was led back down those semi-hidden stairs into the room that adjoined the one where I'd overheard Gaster and Sans arguing earlier. With the desk lamp on, it was actually quite a cozy space, and the couch was comfortable enough. Gaster even brought the fluffy blanket from the living room and offered it to me with a smile.

"Sleep well, Doll," he murmured as I snuggled in. "We'll talk in the morning."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some background: this fic is meant to be post-Don't Have to Hide (a wonderful comic by The BombDiggity666, please check it out here: https://thebombdiggity666.deviantart.com/gallery/59569952/Don-t-Have-to-Hide)
> 
> ALSO: I know this update when up pretty fast, but I don't wanna accidentally lull you into some sort of false sense of security. I'm a working student and my schedule is hectic, so sometimes chapters may be in the once or twice a week range, and sometimes it may be a month or more between updates. I'm sorry, but it's the best I can do.


	3. Shopping Trips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A young Doll starts to acclimate to her life in the skeleton monsters' household. In the present day, a grown Dahlia attempts to prepare herself for Operation: Rescue Frisk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is "Togetherness" from Galavant.

_Tap tap tap._

I groaned and burrowed deeper into my bed. It was too early to be awake- I had no idea what time it was, but I was sure of that, at least. A sort of heavy soreness had set in too, the excitement of the last day or so draining away to leave me just bone tired.

...Heh.

_Tap tap tap._

Another plaintive groan and I cracked one eye open to see a very awake and very smiley skull-like face looming over me. I half-stifled a shriek and bolted upright, starting to scramble off the couch before I realized it was only a fuzzy-orange-onesie-clad Papyrus. "Cheese and crackers!" I mock scowled at the kid and planted my fists on my hips. "You scared the daylights outta me."

Entirely unrepentant, he just giggled and climbed up next to me on the couch. "Dadda said breakfast! I come ge' you."

Gradually waking up, my eyes flickered to a rather amused Gaster leaning back against the stair rail as he watched us. "He was very excited," he informed me solemnly. I blinked, not entirely sure if he was joking or not, but before I could decide Papyrus had climbed into my lap and was studious tugging on a lock of hair that had fallen over my shoulder.

"Wassat?"

I chuckled and pulled my hair away from his reaching fingers. "It's just hair, silly." Although...well, I supposed it wasn't all that odd he didn't know what it was, considering the other members of the household. And he was sort of pouting now that he couldn't play with it...

With a sigh I dipped my head forward so my hair fell over my shoulders again and the kid beamed so bright I almost had to squint. Sort of humming to himself, he started tugging on the ends and twisting it around his fingers, eyes wide and very focused.

Gaster made a sound that might have been a quiet laugh and moved toward us. "Alright, Pap, I think that's enough for now. Come on, don't you want breakfast?"

Papyrus transferred his affections readily from me to his father and I stood, rubbing at my eyes and fighting back a yawn. Gaster chuckled again quietly and patted the top of my head once. "Come along, child. Doll. There's food if you want it."

I nodded at him and give him a sort of shy smile as I followed them up the stairs and into the kitchen. The smell of cooking food made my stomach sit up and bark like a dog, and I was suddenly much more awake. Hunger wasn't enough to make me forget my wariness entirely though, and I made sure to stay behind Gaster as we trekked into the kitchen, peeking around his legs.

Of course Sans was in there. I frowned a bit but ducked my head in an effort to hide it. I couldn't  _blame_ him for being weird about having me in the house, but I wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea of interacting with him either. His eyes flickered over me, then away in a sort of dismissive gesture that had me glowering despite myself. When Gaster gestured for me to take a chair, I did it with such aplomb that the legs squeaked irritatingly against the tile floor. I winced and ducked my head.

Breakfast was much like dinner: quiet and a little awkward, but nice enough. I was belatedly a little surprised that monster food didn't seem to be all that different from the human variety- well, except for the little tingle in my throat and belly when I swallowed. Papyrus babbled away at his father and brother, which earned him some small smiles and a chuckle or two. It was strange, I'd never seen adults be so attentive to what a kid was saying before- even if all he was really saying was baby gibberish, Gaster gave him undivided attention.

It was nice.

"Now." Suddenly the monster's attention was on me and I stiffened a bit under his gaze, making myself sit up straighter. "We have a bit of a problem to address, don't we?"

I felt myself wilt a little under his gaze. A problem. Right. He'd been so nice to me before, but that was probably just because I was hurt. I knew I wasn't supposed to be here, I was inconvenient at best and a threat at worst. So what were they going to do with me?

"I'd assume you don't have any clothes but the ones you're wearing," he continued easily, and my head snapped up, surprise probably clear on my face. "And those...have seen better days." He cleared his throat and Sans smirked at me across the table. I stuck my tongue out at him.

To my utter bewilderment he returned the gesture, a bright blue tongue flicking out between his teeth. My jaw dropped and he snorted, rolling his eyes. 

"Sans." Gaster gave him a very dry look. "Do behave yourself, won't you?" Another eye roll from his son and a mumbled, "She started it," but he'd returned his attention to me by then. "It may take a day or so, but I can get you some new clothes. Would you like to pick them out?"

I blinked, speechless. I'd never actually had new clothes before, just hand-me-downs or donations. And I'd certainly never gotten to  _choose_ them. "Um...okay." I looked from Gaster to Sans to Papyrus- who was busily engaged in playing with his fork- and back again. "Does that mean...am I really staying?"

Gaster's face softened a bit and he rested his chin in a bony palm. "Well, yes. There will have to be a few conditions, some house rules if you will, but yes. You're staying." His expression went a little tight and he murmured, "Unfortunately we cannot return you to the surface. So this seems to be the next best option, at least for now." He met my eyes. "Is that alright with you?"

Despite the way Sans was staring me down across the table, I found myself nodding, slowly at first but then almost enthusiastically. "Yeah. Yeah, that's alright. Thank- thank you..."

"Excellent." He smiled, then stood abruptly. "Come here, Pap, let's get you dressed. You and Sans are coming to work with me today, remember?"

The youngest skeleton nodded happily and reached up as his father scooped him out of his chair. Gaster cast his older son a look over his shoulder as he toted the child out of the kitchen. "Sans, mind showing Doll how to work the computer downstairs? She can look for some new clothes while we're gone."

Computer?

What the hell was a computer doing in a  _house_? I thought they were way too big for that.

Sans gave yet another roll of his eyes but responded, "Yeah, yeah, I'm on it." He stood, chair scraping against the floor, and gave me an almost bored look. "C'mon."

I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at him again as I scrambled to follow him back down the stairs into the office where I'd slept. With all the lights on, and now that I was fully awake, the once-ominous-turned-cozy space turned out to be...well, just an office. There was a desk, the couch I'd slept on, a few cabinets and drawers pressed up against one wall...all totally normal.

Weird.

I kinda still kept expecting to wake up from a dream back at Mrs. Melinger's. But I pushed the thought aside as Sans turned his attention to me and somehow, without eyebrows, managed to do that eyebrow-arch thing that so many grown ups do when they're kinda irritated with you but don't wanna say it. I scowled at him and folded my arms over my chest.

"Well?" He jerked his head toward the desk, one hand flipping open some gray, metallic panel and tapping away at the lower half of it without looking. "Take a seat, Doll. And just type what you wanna search."

I blinked, confused, and shuffled forward to clamber my way up onto the chair. I watched white, bony fingers tap away at the keys in fascination. I'd never seen anything like the blinking, shifting screen in front of me. Warily, I reached out and prodded the center of it with a fingertip.

Sans snorted and I jumped. "It won't bite, human. Relax."

I resisted the urge to flick the side of his head- it would have been  _so_ easy- and cautiously placed my fingers where his had been, learning where the letters were and poking at them until I'd spelled out "girl clothes" in what Sans told me was called the "search bar".

"Alright." The little monster shrugged and started for the stairs. "That'll keep you busy for a while, figure it out. And don't touch anything else while we're gone." he shot a quick glare at me over his shoulder as he started up the steps and I scowled in return, muttering that he wasn't the boss of me under my breath.

 

_*Present Day*_

 

Cat did not want me to leave the house. I sighed the fourth time she reared up onto her hind legs and dug her claws into the hem of my jeans, meowing insistently. "Hecate,  _no_ ," I told her firmly, detaching her claws and shooing her toward the couch. "I need to go out, I need to get some things."

She meowed at me, irritated, and I huffed out a breath at her. "I don't have time for this," I growled under my breath, and practically slammed the door behind me as I left the apartment. Getting to my car was a blur of stairs and hallways that didn't entirely register in my vision, and before I quite realized what was happening I found myself nearly barreling down the road toward-

_The mountain?_

My poor old brakes squealed in protest and the car jerked to an abrupt halt. Thank God no one else was on the narrow road, that was an accident waiting to happen. I stared up at the imposing figure of the mountain through my windshield, panting as though I'd just run a mile.  _No. Don't have time for this, Dahlia, just turn the car around and do what you meant to do._

A little shakily, I made a tight U-turn and started heading back into town. What the hell was that about? Alright, so I'd been distracted since Frisk ran off, but  _that_ was ridiculous. Focus, girl. I had to focus. They were going to be okay. I could get them back... At least, that's what I kept repeating under my breath as I finally managed to actually drive into town, just barely obeying most traffic laws. 

The tinkle of the bell above my head as I charged into  _Twelfth Moon_ and made a beeline for the shelves toward the back of the store.

"Hey, Dahlia, why in such a hurry?" Grace leaned out over the counter, cocking her head at me, but I could hardly spare the brain space to really pay attention to her.

"Can't talk." I started searching for the supplies I was looking for. Not all human magic held much merit, but at least they'd gotten most of the basics right: which herbs and stones and scents augmented power and such, and right now that was all I needed.

_Please please please, let it work this time. Please..._

"It's about Frisk isn't it?" Grace bit her lip and shook her head. "Poor thing. I heard what happened. They must've-"

Arms full, I raced for the door. "On my tab, Gracie, sorry," I called back as I darted for my car and tossed the armfuls of supplies into the back, then jumped back into the driver's seat and tore back down the street toward my apartment. And my phone started ringing. 

"Of all the times-" Growling and swearing under my breath, I angrily tapped the answer call button, flicking the phone onto speaker. "What?"

"Jesus." My boss's voice pulled an instinctive guilty wince out of me. "Look, Dahlia, I know this whole thing has you stressed, but you didn't even call in to say you'd be missing work today." Her tone was even, but still somehow damning.

I sighed and did my best not to start cursing again. "I know, Jillian, I'm sorry. I- I have some things I need to take care of. I may not be in this week at all."

Now it was her turn to sigh. "Dahlia, I don't-"

"Please, Jill." My knuckles had gone white as my grip tightened on the steering wheel. "I have to do this. The kid- I have to fix this."

"Dahlia," she murmured, and I wanted to punch something. "This isn't your fault. We all knew they had some issues, and that social worker shouldn't have goaded you like that."

I had to bite my lip again to keep from screaming. They didn't understand. I was the only one who  _might_ be able to fix this, so I had to at least try! "Jillian, you have to let me do this," I managed to grind out through a clenched jaw. "Please. I'll be in next week, even if- if they're still missing."

There was a moment of waiting silence, then another sigh. "Alright, Dahlia. And...I'm sorry. We're all thinking of you, you know."

Thinking of me. Not the kid that had gone missing. Of course, because Frisk hadn't been born here, they'd only been here a few months, they weren't a _fixture_ like other members of the town were. God, sometimes- humans. "Yeah, thanks." I hung up as I pulled into my building's parking lot.

Of course Cat was yowling the moment I walked through the door, charging across the room to butt against my legs and protest my absence with rather colorful language. I shooed her off and hurriedly dumped my supplies onto the coffee table, shoving a stack of books and an empty mug to the floor, which of course had Cat hissing and tearing ass toward the bedroom.

" _Call what I seek, see what I scry,"_ I chanted quickly, then cursed under my breath when I realized I'd begun the invocation with my makeshift scrying table only half assembled, herbs scattered haphazardly around the old hand mirror I'd laid in the center of the coffee table. God, it had been so long since I'd done this, since I'd stopped even trying.  _Please, it has to work this time, please please please._

I took a breath and closed my eyes for a moment, forcing myself to focus. Okay. I wasn't going to do anyone any good if I couldn't calm down a little. Arrange the herbs in the incense burners. Light. Candles. Should I bother with the candles? Ah, fuck it, I needed all the help I could get, if there was any chance the damn candles could boost whatever was left of my power, I'd take it. Candles lit, then. Mirror polished. Runes sketched into the air. Okay. Breathe.

" _Call what I seek, see what I scry. Reveal the wanderer to a caring eye."_ I took another breath, then begged, "Show me Frisk.

 

* _Fifty Years Ago*_

 

While the computer- I still couldn't believe how small it was- was fascinating enough to hold my attention for a good few hours, that still left me with a decent chunk of time before the monsters returned to their home. After wondering in and out of the kitchen, living room, and office, exploring all the  _obvious_ nooks and crannies, I found myself...almost bored. Which was not something I would have expected in a place like this.

A part of me- a large part, if I was being honest- wanted to start exploring.  _Really_ exploring. But I was still a little too nervous to risk angering a family of monsters, kind as they seemed. I kept eyeing the stairs though, wondering what was at the top. Okay, a little peek couldn't hurt, right? It's not like I'd...go into any of their rooms or anything. I'd just take a look around. Leave locked doors alone, all that. 

...

Okay, just a quick look then.

Out of habit I made a last quick round of the house to make sure I wasn't going to be spotted, then started creeping up the stairs. They creaked a bit, but nothing too bad. There were only a couple rooms on the second floor, and two of them were locked. They seemed like they must be the boy's rooms- judging by the amount of scribbles on the molding around one and the blue sweater sleeve peeping out from under the other. Alright, leave those alone. The third room was at the end of upper hall, and the door was open a crack.

That had to be safe to look in, right?

Peering back over my shoulder every few steps, I tiptoed my way toward the room and reached up to grab the knob, craning my head around the door-

There was a bang and a sharp gust of cold air as the door downstairs was thrown open and I heard three chattering voices all talking over each other. With a guilty jerk I snapped away from the door and hurried to the top of the stairs to see all three skeletons grinning and teasing each other as the father shut the door behind them.

"Nu-uh!" That was Paps, giggling even as he seemed to be arguing with his older brother.

"Uh-huh." Sans wrapped one arm around the smaller skeleton's shoulders and rubbed the top of his skull affectionately, making Papyrus squeak and wriggle, pushing away from him with a pout- I'm not sure  _how_ a skeleton monster pouts, but he managed it. "I told ya, Dad had to take us home cause the other scientists couldn't handle how smart you are."

Papyrus giggled and apparently reluctantly allowed his father to pull his coat and scarf off.

I smiled despite myself and crouched down on the top step, wrapping my fingers around two rungs of the railing. Not wanting them to think I was  _trying_ to hide myself, I murmured a quick, "Hi," and offered a little wave as coats and hats were hung by the door. 

Gaster glanced up at me and nodded with a smile. Somehow I hadn't noticed before how the- the scar or whatever it was over his eye sort of crinkled when he smiled. "Hello, Doll. How was your day? Find what you were looking for?"

My heart skittered erratically and I swallowed. Why did I feel like that meant more than it sounded like it did? I blinked a few times, then nodded. "Yeah. On the...computer. I found some things..." My voice trailed off as both Sans and Papyrus looked up at me in turn.

Gaster just smiled again. "Excellent. I'll take a look at that, shall I? Boys, why don't you two keep her company? Oh, Sans, don't let Paps get obsessed over those puzzles again, he's solved them all at least three times."

"Yeah, Dad." Both brothers glanced up at me again and I found myself fidgeting on the step. "Well. C'mere, then. What are you doing up there, anyway?" Sans asked, hands shoved in his pockets and head tilted as he eyed me up and down, still clearly suspicious.

I shrugged and got to my feet, sort of mirroring his pose with my hands in my pockets as I picked my way down the stairs. "I dunno. Just looking around." Already anticipating the frown that was stealing over his face, I added quickly, "Don't worry, I didn't touch anything." My scowl must have portrayed fairly well just how I felt about his suspicion, because he mumbled something I didn't catch under his breath and finally looked away.

"Dolly!" Papyrus toddled up to me and wrapped his fingers in the hem of my torn, dirty blouse. "Wanna do puzzles?"

I smiled and caught Sans rolling his eyes out of the corner of mine. "I think your dad just said he wants you to try something else today, yeah?"

The kid pouted again, but brightened almost  _too_ quickly. "M'kay, we can do it later. Play something else!"

I glanced up at the big brother to see him eyeing us sidelong. I sighed a bit and pursed my lips. Well, it looked like  _one_ of us was going to have to make some sort of move here, some kind of peace offering. I'd been around kids like this in other homes, territorial ones who were wary of newcomers- often for good reason, but it still made trying to find your place more difficult than it needed to be. Alright then. I'd make the move.

"Why don't you pick a game?" I suggested quietly to Sans. He blinked and tilted his head at me, then his brow furrowed. "Yeah," I continued before he could start questioning me or my motives. "You pick something and we can all play together." That way he wouldn't leave his little brother alone with me, and Paps would still get his game.

I wasn't positive, but I _thought_ Sans got what I was trying to do. There was a flash of apprehensive understanding in the glowing pits of his eyes. "Okay..." he said slowly. Still eyeing me, though more curiously now than suspiciously, he knelt and rubbed the top of his brother's head. 

"Yeah, Sans pick." Papyrus beamed and suddenly reached up to grab one of my hands, then back to grab his brother's. Abruptly he let himself go limp so we both had to catch his weight with little noises of surprise. He giggled and swung happily between us, eyes moving from my face to Sans' and back. Sans snorted and shot me a quick smirk.  _Well shock of shocks._

"I dunno, bro. Looks like you're having plenty fun just doing this," he teased, and pulled his arm up to Papyrus was slung diagonally between us. Our eyes met and I returned his smirk with a quick grin, lifting my arm as well so the kid's feet dangled off the floor and he shrieked with giggles. 

"Doll?" Gaster's voice floated up from the basement and I started, eyes going wide as I nearly lost my grip on Paps. I managed to catch him and shot Sans an apologetic look, but to my surprise he wasn't scowling. He just sort of nodded toward the stairs as his father came back up into the living room. "Didn't you look through to find some new clothes today?"

I blinked and cautiously lowered a once again pouting Papyrus to the floor. "I did." I glanced around as I sort of shrank back from him. Was he angry? Had I picked too much? What had I done wrong?

The skeleton just stared at me. "You...there's only about five items selected down there." He narrowed his eyes a bit and placed one hand on a hip. "Did you have trouble working the computer? I understand monster technology and human technology seem to be in different stages of development, but I thought Sans was supposed to-"

"Oh, he did," I cut in quickly. That was all I needed, for his dad to jump down his throat- or whatever- and then he'd blame me when he'd  _finally_ stopped glaring at me every time I was within ten feet. "He showed me how it works, really. I just thought...I'm sorry, I picked out what I thought I needed, is it not alright?"

A little spark of realization flashed in Gaster's eyes and he took a few more steps toward us. I tried not to flinch back, but something of my wariness must have shown because he stopped immediately, hands raised peaceably. "Doll," he said softly, a small smile spreading across his face. "When I told you to pick out some clothes, I didn't mean you just had to stick to the bare necessities. If you're going to be living here, I want you to be comfortable. You can choose more than a few shirts, a pair of pants, and a skirt."

"Wait, seriously?" I turned to see Sans balancing Papyrus on his hip, looking at me with slightly wider than normal eyes. "That's all you picked out. Jeez, and here I thought you'd be moving in and taking over the place." He snorted and shook his head. I stuck my tongue out at him, almost more on reflex than anything else. He grinned back and winked.

"Sans." Gaster sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, then shook his head and gestured to the couch. "Why don't you take a seat, Doll. I can grab my work laptop and we'll look for some more things for you, alright?"

Not really sure what else to do, I nodded and crawled up onto the couch. Papyrus was right on my heels, scrambling into my lap, and I didn't have the heart to tell him no so I just sort of looped my arms around him and let him tuck his head up under my chin. With a sigh Sans boosted himself up onto the arm of the couch next to us, tilting his head as he looked us over.

Every instinct wanted me not to show ignorance, but I figured I only had a few seconds while Gaster rooted through the briefcase he'd left by the door. "What's a laptop?" I mumbled out of the corner of my mouth.

"A computer," Sans replied quietly as his father turned back toward us, holding a large, black rectangle under one arm.

 _That_ was a computer  _too_? Criminy.

"Here. Sans, get off the arm," Gaster said as he took a seat beside me. He set the black rectangle in his lap and opened the top of it to reveal another screen like on the one downstairs. "Alright, there's the account- here. This is what you ordered. Now, if you really like these things, you can get them of course. But I don't want you to feel like you just have to pick a few simple things. Like I said, I want you to be comfortable here." He smiled and reached up to pat my head. And I didn't flinch or anything, I even smiled. 

"Lemme see." Sans had jumped off the arm of the couch to shuffle around to his father's other side. Paps and I leaned into Gaster to better see the screen. I was still sort of confused, but if this was what we were doing- well hey. I'd certainly had worse receptions to a new home. "I can't believe you only picked out  _two_ shirts," Sans snorted. "What, did you think we were gonna make you sleep in the basement forever?"

My mouth went slack a bit and I stared up at him and his father. "...You're not?"

Both Gaster and Sans snapped their eyes to me, then each other. There was a long, heavy beat of silence.

"Ah, jeez." Sans made a muffled sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a groan. "Alright. We're keeping you. We're definitely keeping you."

 

_*Present Day*_

 

"Damnit!" I shot to my feet, upending the table and sending the mirror crashing to the ground. From the other room Cat yowled in disapproval and I heard some crashing and skittering. "Damnit, damnit,  _damnit_!" I resisted the urge- with no small effort- to kick the overturned table and buried my hands in my hair, tugging in frustration.

Nothing. I'd seen nothing. Just the fall, the drop through the barrier, then darkness. Endless darkness, and a flash of scared brown eyes. 

Damnit.

I sank to the carpet, still cradling my head in my hands. Why wouldn't it work? Nearly thirty-five years, and I still didn't know why it  _didn't fucking work_! My magic had never felt further away, when once it had been as easy as breathing, a second pulse echoing my heartbeat. "I'm sorry," I whispered, for the I-don't-know-how-many time. As always, I wasn't quite sure who I was talking to- no one who could hear me. "I'm sorry. God, I'm sorry, Frisk."

" _Mow-wow."_ Cat was suddenly bumping her head against my hip, my side, brushing up against my leg as she tried to get my attention. Absently, I reached over to pet her, and she took the invitation to climb into my lap. I wrapped my arms around her and snuggled my face into her fur, biting back tears as she started up her stuttering little purr, like a motorboat that refused to start.

Thirty years since I'd traveled through the Void, and my magic still hadn't properly returned. Some days it felt closer, but now, when I needed it... "I have to help them," I whispered into Cat's fur. "I- I don't know how, but I have to do _something_."

" _Mrrow_?"

God only knew how things had changed since I'd been underground. How much they remembered- no, don't think too hard about that. That was just painful. But, well...I knew them. I knew those boys better than I knew myself- no matter what had happened, what they remembered or forgot, they would be kind. They had to be. They would protect the kid...

They had to.

 


	4. The Color of a Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doll begins to learn the rules of the Underground, and what exactly Gaster means when he talks about Souls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is "Kaleidoscope Heart" by Sara Bareilles.

Three months in and there were still some things about living Underground that I just didn't think I'd ever get used to.

Sans, Pap, and Gaster's eyes, for one thing. Lived with them, saw them every day, watched the way they shifted and crinkled at the corners- which really shouldn't have been possible. But I still didn't understand the  _colors_. I'd started to match certain colors with moods, feelings- green was a sort of contentment, blue was fun or laughter, gold was a warning- but I still didn't get  _why._ And if they changed color with emotions, why not all the time?

But of course I was too shy to ask. That seemed really personal, and despite how the attitude of my newest foster family had been nothing but welcoming toward me the past few months, I still felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I didn't want to push my luck.

The other thing I doubted I'd  _ever_ really get used to was the magic. At first Gaster and Sans only used it a little, every once in a while. I would catch a flash of yellowy gold spinning around Gaster's fingers just before the lights suddenly flickered on without anyone touching the switch, or his plate of leftovers would be instantly steaming gently. Or sometimes Paps' toys would arrange themselves in a blue glow and I'd glance over to see Sans reclining on the couch, book in one hand and a fading blue light around the other. Little everyday things that were just a part of life in the skeleton household.

But five days in was my first taste of what I began to refer to as Big Magic. I'd been sleeping in Gaster's office or on the couch in the living room, but that fifth day Sans suddenly came bounding down the stairs with one of those I-know-something-you-don't smirks. "Come here." He extended a hand and jerked his head behind him toward the stairs.

"...Why?" Even just these few days in I had learned to be wary of that smirk. Sans was fond of practical jokes, and seeing as he couldn't very well play them on the baby brother he protected so fiercely, I had become his number one target.

But he just rolled his eyes and twitched his fingers at me impatiently. "Would you come on? Not a prank, Doll, trust me."

I gave him a look that must have conveyed pretty well just how I felt about  _that_ statement and he had the grace to flush a bit, but cleared his throat and mumbled, "I mean it. Dad wants you."

"Oh. Alright then." I put aside the book Gaster had been letting me thumb through- theoretical physics, I didn't understand most of it but he and Sans explained a lot of what I didn't get- and took Sans' hand and let him tug me up the stairs. I glanced around when we reached the top, but didn't see Gaster, or anything else out of the ordinary. "M'kay. Why're we here?"

Sans dropped my hand and nudged me around so I was facing the opposite end of the hall from his father's room. And there was a door. A door that definitely hadn't been there the day before. I blinked. "Umm..."

"Well, go on." He nudged me again and I twisted a bit to frown over my shoulder at him, to which he just grinned innocently. "What, don'tcha trust me?"

It was my turn to smirk. "Nah."

He pressed a hand to the center of his chest. "Ouch. Little human girl, you hurt me," he whined dramatically, then gave me another, harder shove forward that had me stumbling and squeaking in protest. "Go on."

Muttering under my breath, I moved cautiously toward the door, glanced over my shoulder at Sans, and at his half-encouraging, half-exasperated nod I pushed it open. I don't really know what I was expecting- some sort of closet or something maybe, there couldn't have been that much space. But whatever I was expecting, it certainly wasn't the cozy bedroom I stepped into, wide eyed as I looked around. There was a smallish bed, a dresser, a mirror leaned up against the wall that Gaster was bent slightly as he tried to adjust.

"Oh." He caught my reflection and turned to me with a smile. "Wonderful, Sans brought you. Now, I believe everything is in order, but if you need anything just ask and I'll see what i can do, alright?"

I stared, mouth slightly agape. "This...is mine?"

"Yup." 

I started slightly and spun to see Sans leaning against the doorway behind me. "Told ya we weren't gonna make you sleep in the basement forever."

* * *

 So I had a room. A room that hadn't existed the day before I was moved into it. Like, the  _space_ it occupied hadn't existed. Thaaaaat was going to take some getting used to. Little tricks and sparkles I had accepted pretty easily, but that first example of Big Magic threw me for a loop, to be honest. It took me three more days before I stopped staring at Gaster like he had two heads every time he entered a room.

But eventually I did get used to it. And I got used to toddling Papyrus using his magic to catch himself if he started to fall- well, half the time, the other half Sans was there to catch him before the orange glow even began. I got used to finding joke books tucked inside the massive tomes left around the house. I got used to the fact that four-year-old Paps could solve a puzzle cube far faster than I ever could, and Sans' obsession with turning  _everything_ into a pun. Actually, I didn't just get used to all of it...I sort of started to like it. It was comfortable, and sweet, and for the first time probably ever I really felt safe.

Aside from the fact that I almost  _never_ left the house, and when I did Gaster hovered like a vulture, it was actually all very nice. 

"Dolly, Dolly!"

"Ach!" I almost rolled off the couch as Paps suddenly clambered over the back of it and flopped onto my stomach. "Watch it," I laughed, though I tried to frown at him. Damn the little guy, it was hard to stay angry at something that cute. "What's the rush?"

"Sans an' me playin' hide an' seek." Bright eyelights beamed up at me and he tugged on the edge of the blanket I'd curled up under. "Hide me!"

I grinned. "Alright, hurry up." I lifted the edge of the blanket and bent my knees so he could crawl under them and the blanket dropped around him like a tent. Didn't do much to muffle the sound of his giggles, but he was out of sight. "Shh," I chuckled, and he settled down a bit as I picked my book back up and Sans came striding downstairs. 

"Seen the kid?" he asked lazily as he walked by the couch, ducking to look beneath and then behind it. I shrugged and pretended to keep reading.

"Nope. Hey, how come horses have a coccyx?"

"A  _what_?" He jerked up from looking under the coffee table and stared at me with wide eyes. I turned my book and pointed to the full page picture showing an equine skeleton. I'd mentioned a few weeks ago that I missed one of the few possessions I was actually allowed to take with me from foster home to foster home: a book on mammalian anatomy. Gaster had seemed a bit surprised, then sort of angry when I'd told him I missed being able to look at the pictures, knowing that was as close as I'd get to really studying science. And then two days later a similar book had been on my bed. It wasn't written by monsters, I could tell that right away. I never asked how he got it, just thanked him.

"Oh. Uh..." Sans shrugged as he straightened himself up, but for a second I could have sworn he was blushing, just a bit. "I dunno. Don't most mammals?"

I shrugged and shifted a bit, and Paps burrowed toward my ankles. I bit my lip to keep from giving a little yelp of surprise and quickly cleared my throat, hoping Sans hadn't noticed the movement of the blanket. "Not sure. Some do. Mostly primates. Seems kinda...silly, for humans." I laughed a bit and wrinkled my nose up at a sudden thought. "What d'ya think I'd look like with a tail?"

"No weirder than usual," he quipped back immediately, and I stuck my tongue out at him. His eyes flicked toward the tent I was making with my legs and he quirked an eyebrow ridge. I tried to look innocent. "Welp, guess the kiddo isn't down here. Better check upstairs again- aha!"

Before I could stop him he grabbed the edge of the blanket and tossed it back, showing Papyrus huddled beneath my legs with his knees drawn up to his chin, a startled giggle bursting out of him as he tried to jump off the couch. Sans caught him easily and swept him up over his head, eliciting more laughter, then gave me a mock stern look. "You are a liar, Doll." I saw magic gather around his fingertips and gave a little yelp-laugh, scrambling back over the arm of the couch. "Oh, you can't get away that easy. Paps, get 'er!"

"Nooo!" I ducked as a jolt of blue and orange magic streaked for me, warming the air around us as they passed. "Paps, you traitor!" The smaller skeleton laughed, completely remorseless, and struggled down out of his brother's arms to get a better shot as he sent another little jolt of magic at me.

I was so busy dodging that one that I completely forgot to look out for Sans', and the blue glow hit me square in the ribs with a ticklish sensation that had me doubling over with shrieks of laughter. "No no no no, I'm sorry!" I laughed, kicking out at him uselessly. 

"What in the world are you three doing?" The tickling faded and I craned my neck back to see Gaster in the doorway to his office, arms folded as he stared down at us. "Boys, are you torturing Doll?"

"No," the brothers replied simultaneously at the same time I panted, " _Yes_ ," and scrambled to my feet.

"Alright, come here, sweetheart." He held out a hand to me and I ran to hide behind him, then stuck my head out from around him and stuck my tongue out at Sans and Papyrus. 

"Daddy's girl," Sans accused, but I could tell he wasn't too serious. There was a blue tint to his eyes. 

"Wassat?" Paps asked, swinging off his brother's arm. Sans winced and I grinned triumphantly.

"Yeah, Sans, explain please." He scowled at me and mouthed  _I hate you_. I mouthed back  _No you don't_ , and blew him a dramatic kiss. He rolled his eyes.

"Alright, yes yes." Gaster sighed and rubbed his knuckles against the center of his brow. "Look, why don't you two play up here for a minute, I need to talk to Doll."

I might have been imagining things, but for a split second I thought I saw Sans and his father exchange a quick, knowing look. Certainly wouldn't have been out of the ordinary, they did stuff like that a lot, but given the context...might've made me a bit nervous. But then Sans just nodded and scooped Papyrus up again. "Yeah, sure. We'll just hang up here, right bro?"

"Thank you." Gaster turned to head back down the stairs and beckoned for me to follow. I did, just a little warily, and stood on the bottom step as he took a seat in front of his desk and typed something with a few rapid clicks, bringing the computer's screen to life. "Would you come here a moment, Doll? I just need to enter some data."

A conversation, nearly forgotten, tugged at the back of my mind as I sidled closer. That first day, when I'd woken up and heard him and Sans talking... "Gaster?" I stopped beside the desk chair and tilted my head back to look at his face. "Is this- is this about my soul? You- you told Sans you were gonna...study me?"

His hands paused in their typing, then started up again, slower. "That was...quite some time ago I discussed that with Sans. I did not know you had overheard us."

I swallowed. "I wasn't eavesdropping or anythin', honest. I just...sorta heard you talking..."

Gaster sighed and propped an elbow on the desk, resting his chin in his hand as he looked down at me with a very small smile. "I am not angry with you, Doll. And yes, that is what this is about." He paused, eyes searching my face. "What would you like to know?" When I just stared at him in silence, confused, he put a little more warmth into his voice and continued, "I will do nothing unless you are comfortable with it. I wasn't planning on any sort of invasive study to begin with- ah, invasive meaning-"

"I know what it means," I murmured. He smiled again and reached out as though to pat my head, then pulled his hand back.

"Of course you do. Well, as I said, I won't do anything if it makes you uncomfortable-"

"I'm not uncomfortable." I cut him off again with a little shrug. "I just...guess I'm confused. Why d'ya need to study my- my soul? Aren't they just sorta..." I waved a hand airily around my head. "Not...really real?"

He chuckled and actually patted my head this time, ruffling my hair a bit for good measure. "Now, that's a debatable subject, at least on the surface it would seem. A soul, an inherent aspect of the self, is intangible and therefore nearly impossible to prove as _real_ or not. But a Soul-" He smiled and shucked me under the chin, with I rewarded with a pout, "Capital "S" there- now, those are very real. And much more scientific than you might be inclined to think at first." His smiled widened. "Which you should like, yes?"

I found myself smiling in response. "Yeah." He knew how much I loved this stuff, even if it had never really seemed like a possibility for me back on the surface. When I'd told him not many girls studied the sciences where I was from, he'd seemed personally offended. " _But you're just as intelligent as Sans or Paps, if sometimes in different ways, and those boys are geniuses- not to be biased,"_ he'd muttered, almost to himself. _"Why in the name of-!"_

That was a few days before I'd gotten my anatomy book.

"At any rate, what I would like to first establish is what color, or colors, your Soul holds," Gaster continued. "Which should be easy enough to determine, if you're willing to give it a go."

Very slowly, I nodded. But first I _did_ have some questions. “So…what exactly is a Soul?” I rocked up onto my toes and folded my arms on top of his desk to let my chin rest on them.

“Souls are the epitome of our being.” He continued typing away, but absently reached out to smooth some of my hair out of my face and I smiled. “Human or monster, we all have a Soul. The difference is-“ He suddenly paused and his expression went distant as he leaned back a bit in his chair. Then he sighed and looked down at me, a wry smile on his face. “Well. That’s the question, isn’t it?”

Confused, I just blinked up at him, but before I could try to respond to that he extended an arm in invitation and I took his hand as he helped me up onto his lap so I could see the computer screen. It looked like it was some sort of DNA thing- a helix?- with readings of some sort that I didn’t understand scrolling across the bottom and down the sides.

“The difference,” Gaster said again, “is that monsters are much more aware of their Souls. More in tune. It’s actually where our magic comes from.”

I nodded slowly, processing, and tilted my head back to look at him. “So…when you were talking about colors…that’s why when you do things yours is gold? Cause Sans does magic and it looks blue.”

He smiled and gave my shoulder a little squeeze. “Yes, that’s correct, more or less. My soul is yellow- well, gold, as you said. A derivative of yellow. Sans’ is blue.” With a sharp exhale he twisted away from his desk, chair spinning, and I giggled. He smiled at me again and sort of scritched the top of my head with his fingertips like he did with the boys sometimes.

“So human Souls also have colors?” I asked with a little tilt of my head. Then I frowned. “And how d’ya tell? We can’t do magic like you.”

“Well now, that’s not entirely true. At least, it wasn’t always.” He shrugged, one arm looped around me to secure me on his lap. A little overprotective, but I’d gotten used to it by this point. He was just like that. Honestly sometimes it was annoying, it felt like he was treating me like a little kid, but at the same time- well, there was a sort of absentminded affection to it that I didn't want to reject. It felt nice. “Human mages used to be much more common. I believe your people have…forgotten, somehow. Perhaps dismissed history as legend. It was human mages who locked monsters Underground, after all.”

I chewed at my bottom lip. “Oh yeah…”

“But yes, to answer your question, human Souls have a color. In fact, it’s often more obviously visible than a monster’s.” At my confused look, he continued, “You see, when a monster’s soul is drawn from its body in a stressful situation, an instinctive defense mechanism enacts, a sort of…armor, if you will. Pure magic coats the Soul and it appears to be white, often. But a human Soul-“ he poked my nose and I crinkled it up at him, making him chuckle- “now, those are so much stronger than a monster’s. They don’t _need_ that armor, so you can see the color easily.”

I nodded slowly. “Okay…I think I get it.” Then I frowned again. "But then, how do you see a Soul. They're..." I pressed my hand to the center of my chest and looked down. "They're  _inside_?" That made the most sense, didn't it?

"Yes, they are. Very astute." He smiled and placed a large, bony hand over mine, meeting my eyes. His expression sobered slightly. "Now, Doll. To see your Soul, I have to draw it from your body. This is...well, I won't lie to you, it will probably feel more than a little strange. But if at any point you feel pain, or discomfort, just tell me and I will stop. Alright?"

I took a breath and nodded. "Yes. Alright."

He smiled reassuringly and patted my back. "Thank you, Doll." He let me slip my hand out from under his, so his fingers were right over the center of my breastbone.  _Sternum._ His fingertips began to glow gold, a hazy mist circling the white bone, and there was a sort of tugging sensation from the center of my chest. I sucked in a sharp breath and held it, eyes going wide. It felt  _so weird_. The tugging grew stronger- not painful, not even really uncomfortable- but definitely strange. I clenched my eyes shut and gritted my teeth-

Then it was over. The tugging stopped and my shoulders collapsed forward as I took a deep breath. Something still felt  _weird_ though...

"You can open your eyes, Doll."

I did, slowly. My jaw dropped open and I stared. "Whoa..."

A heart floated in the air just in front of me. Not a- a  _real_ heart, a chunk of muscle with valves and pumps and all that. More of a Valentine sorta heart. It was glowing faintly, a deep violet color that seemed to almost hum with intensity. I blinked, rubbed my eyes, then kept staring. "Whoa," I repeated, softer this time.

Gaster chuckled, cupping the heart between his hands without quite touching it. Golden mist flowed from his fingertips to circle the thing- my Soul- without encompassing it completely. Warmth spread through my chest and I absently reached up to rub at the spot on my sternum where it seemed to originate. 

"Purple." Gaster smiled at me as his magic retreated and my Soul gradually started to float back toward my chest. "I suppose I should have known."

I looked up at him the instant before my Soul touched skin. "What's that mean-  _oh_!" The heart sort of sank beneath my skin and I shuddered at the odd sensation, staring down at my own chest with wide eyes before looking back up to Gaster, who was still smiling slightly. 

"Colors are often related to a particular characteristic," he told me. "Most Souls are a majority one, or sometimes two, colors. Guiding traits that signify who a person is, and who they can be. They sometimes change over time, but that is more common among humans. To truly answer your question: purple is perseverance." His smile seemed to turn just a little sad and he laid a hand on top of my head. "A trait I believe you have in abundance, my dear."

I nodded, still a little dumbfounded, with my hands pressed to the center of my chest. "Oh." I was quiet a moment longer, then shook my head and squirmed around a bit, glancing toward the floor. "Um...do you need me for somethin' else?"

Gaster chuckled and shooed me off his lap. "No, run along and play with the boys. I'll be down here just a little while longer."

"M'kay!" I rocked up onto my toes to peck his cheek, then scurried up the stairs.

* * *

 _"Play with the boys"_ was an order more easily issued than followed. For one thing, Sans had homework to do. I really wasn't quite sure why they called it that, considering Gaster homeschooled both his sons, but whatever. With him busy, I was supposed to be looking after Papyrus- not exactly a trying task, unless the kid put his mind to something he wasn't really allowed to do.

Just my luck.

"C'mon, peeeeeease?" The smallest skeleton hung off my arm, bony fingers wrapped around my wrist in a surprisingly tight grip. "Just for a l'il?"

I sighed and very determinedly avoided looking at his puppy-dog pout. "Paps, y'know your dad doesn't like me being outside without him."

"But it'll just be for a l'il bit!" Both hands clasped around my wrist and he swung from side to side, leaning back on his heels so his whole weight dragged at my arm. "Sans is bein' boring."

I chuckled a bit, thought about attempting to argue that point, then decided against it. I looked from the skeleton to the window and back several times and drew my bottom lip between my teeth for a moment. Well... "Maybe just a couple minutes..."

Smelling victory, Papyrus grinned and started tugging me toward the door! "Okay! Just fi' minutes."

I rolled my eyes- I know five minutes in Papyrus World could easily turn into half an hour- but didn't protest as he led me by the hand to the door and bounced up to grab the knob.

"Hang on!" I twisted to snatch Sans' blue jacket off its hook by the door- mine was too far away from Paps' impatience- and we barreled out into the snow. "Brr!" I shivered dramatically and wrinkled my nose up, making Papyrus giggle delightedly. He always seemed to be obsessed when I did anything with my nose- maybe because the skeletons didn't have them, I dunno.

It didn't take long for Paps to decide that a snowball fight was the best way to pass the time. I squeaked and ducked from his aimlessly tossed blobs of snow, laughingly protesting when he started using his magic to throw them instead of his hands. "No fair!" I raised my hands to block, giving squeaky little cries as the cold, packed snow hit my bare palms.

I started to lose track of time as we played, chasing each other around the yard, burrowing into the snow to hide from one another, before Papyrus grew bored and decided he wanted to build a snowman. I was on my knees, rolling up snow to help build the base, smiling as Paps babbled away in my right ear, when a soft  _crunch, crunch_ sound drew my attention to the little path that ran by the skeleton's front door.

I felt my blood run cold at the sight of the creature treading almost leisurely toward us. A massive, bipedal thing, covered in shaggy gray fur. A canine head swung in lazy arcs- he seemed to be scenting the air. My breath caught in my throat with a little choking sound and Papyrus looked up, catching sight of the wolf-man monster. His eyes widened, making them seem even bigger in his little face.

_"You can never let anyone see you, Doll. Do you understand?" Gold eyes bore into mine, his mouth drawn tight, his grip on my shoulders so tight it hurt._

I wanted to move. Really, I did. But I was frozen, staring as the hulking, furry body ambled closer down the path. He must have seen us by now, he _must_ have- but maybe he thought I was Sans from this distance, I was in his hoodie. But that only left us with a few seconds before he realized something was wrong-

_Why wouldn’t my legs move?!_

The monster lifted his head, sniffed the air, and I forgot how to breathe. Every whispered conversation or warning word- _“Never go out alone, Doll”, “You have to stay secret, Doll. It’s not safe”_ \- suddenly came flooding to the front of my mind. If being a secret was so important it made Gaster look like _that,_ eyes flashing gold with magic and hands trembling slightly as he gripped my shoulders… I couldn’t even imagine what might make him so scared.

Terror like I’d never known clawed at the inside of my throat and just beneath my breast. I barely registered Paps’ suddenly shaky voice as he gripped my hand tight and took a step back toward the house. Poor thing, I must’ve been scaring him… Come on, snap out of it, snap out of it!

Something that was both warm, familiar, and yet completely alien seemed to wrap around me- no, not me. The core of me, the heart, the… Soul. I caught a glimpse of that heart hovering above my chest, tinged blue and pulsing with a familiar magic, then suddenly my vision went white as gravity seemed to increase exponentially and I slammed into the snow. The shock was enough to force a gasp, teaching me to breathe again, and I instinctively tried to struggle back up, but the magic held me down.

Then Sans was there, scooping his brother up in his arms and planting himself in front of me, magic glowing around his free hand as he held me in place. “I’m sorry,” I just barely heard him whisper. “Stay down.”

I stopped fighting and stayed where I was, curled up in a snow drift with my head down, hair matting over my face. The footsteps of the wolf monster drew closer, I could hear him sniffing again, then again...he paused…

There was a little grunt of acknowledgement, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Sans give the strange monster a wave and a nod in return, perpetual grin in place. Then the lumbering footsteps moved off again, continuing down the path.

The three of us held our places, frozen, until Sans let out a quiet breath of relief and I saw his shoulders sag, spine curving forward. The blue glow faded from around his hand and I drew in a ragged breath as I felt the magical pressure fade from my body.

“Inside, hurry.” Without missing a beat he reached down to grab my arm and hauled me to my feet, shoving me in front of him into the house and hurriedly locking the door behind him, only pausing to place Papyrus gently on the ground. The younger brother shuffled toward me and wrapped his arms around me and my knees gave out. I sank to the ground, pulling Papyrus into my lap to cuddle him as I looked up at Sans.

He turned to us and let out another breath, this one a little shakier, and knelt to be on our level. “That was really stupid, Doll.” There was no flash of red in his eyes, and somehow the lack of obvious anger made me feel worse.

I nodded. “I know. I’m sorry.”

He sort of winced and reached toward me, then drew his hand back. He was shaking slightly, which I hadn’t noticed before. “Yeah. Me too. I couldn’t think of what else to…”

I saw the sort of pinched look to his face and realized, “That took a lot out of you. That magic.”

He shrugged and Paps buried his face in my chest. “M’fault,” the little skeleton mumbled- it sounded like he was close to crying.

Immediately Sans and I snapped into action, patting his head and stroking his back and assuring him that nothing that had happened was his fault. I had made a mistake. We wouldn’t play outside again. But everything was alright now.

* * *

 We didn’t tell Gaster what happened. I’d thought Sans would, had prepared myself for it, but when we all sat down to dinner that evening and I glanced across the table, caught his gaze- I don’t know. Somehow I knew we just weren’t going to talk about it. Paps was easily enough distracted that him telling wasn’t a problem, and Sans and I just…never mentioned it.

Except before bed that night. I managed to catch Sans while Gaster was getting Papyrus ready for bed. We hovered outside my bedroom door, my fingers loosely gripping his sleeve and his head tipped toward the ground as we just stood there.

“…What would have happened?” I finally whispered. “You and Gaster, you tell me how important it is to stay hid, but…what happens if they find me?”

Sans took a breath, then looked up to meet my eyes. His ever black and cold, the light gone. I swallowed. “Don’t ask me that,” he murmured. I forgot sometimes, that he was just a few years older than me. But in that moment... He looked both ancient, and incredibly, tragically young. “Doll, please…just don’t ask. We’ll keep you safe.”

Unable to do anything else, I nodded once. He leaned in to nuzzle the top of my head, then turned and made for his own bedroom. A little numb, I slipped into my room and shut the door.


	5. Soul Beat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doll learns more of Underground culture- though this time with a bit less risk- and has her first dance lesson. Nearly fifty years later, Dahlia returns to work after a fruitless week of searching for Frisk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I had a couple options for this chapter's song, but in the end I went with "Better When I'm Dancing". Cuz I like me some cheesy fluff :3

_"One_ two three, one two three, _one_ two three. That's it, there you go! Alright, now turn- no, no, Doll, let me lead." Gaster chuckled as I tried to twirl under his arm before he was ready and wound up just sort of pretzeling myself. "Here, just follow my feet, like before. Right, now,  _one_ two three, onetwo three..."

My steps were stumbling, but as we flowed through the movements of the dance I gradually became more and more sure of myself. The music Gaster had put on hummed and buzzed pleasantly through the air from the strange record player he'd scrounged up in his office and hauled upstairs. It was soft and rippling, like water, and the way Gaster guided me around the living room felt like we were gliding through the sounds. As I grew more confident in my own feet, I glanced up at Gaster with a half-nervous, half-excited smile and he grinned back.

"You're doing very well," he praised softly. "It'll be second nature in no time, you'll see."

"Yay!" From his brother's arms, Papyrus beamed and clapped, then wriggled as he tried to climb down out of Sans' grip. "I wanna dance wi' Doll, my turn, my turn!"

"Oh jeez." Despite the kid's enthusiasm, I still wasn't sure I entirely got why this was so _i_ _nteresting_ to them. And it definitely was: I'd caught Gaster sort of gliding absentmindedly around his work space that morning and, when I question where he'd learned to move like that, like he was always dancing, I'd been treated to one of his many many  _many_ informational lectures.

...I wasn't bored with them. Honest.

Actually, this one _hadn't_ been boring, to my surprise. My foster father had told me that dancing wasn't exactly something monsters  _learned_ \- it was like their magic, an instinctive part of them that could be honed with different kinds of training. And it wasn't something they did all the time, but it  _was_ important when they did, even in little ways.

 _"Sometimes it's how we show we care about one another, or how we can find peace within ourselves. Or sometimes it's just for fun, a way to more strongly connect with our magic and our Souls for no particular reason."_ A smile and a little ruffle of my hair. _"Would you like to learn?"_

So of course I'd said yes. I still wasn't sure I really  _got_  this whole dancing thing, but it was obviously important to the skeletons. It was something I'd noticed-but-not-noticed in the months I'd been living Underground, like a smudge on the wall you don't really see until someone points it out to you. The way Gaster's eerie gliding from room to room sometimes seemed to almost be set to music only he could hear, how Sans and Papyrus' playing looked like it was choreographed as they bobbed and ducked and chased each other around.

"Perhaps give her a bit more time to grow comfortable with it," Gaster chuckled to his enthusiastic youngest. Papyrus pouted and Sans shucked him under the chin.

"Heh, sorry, kiddo. Looks like you're a skeleton with no _body_ to dance with."

Papyrus giggled, Gaster gave an indulgent chuckle, and I groaned and rolled my eyes toward the ceiling with a long-suffering, " _Saa-aaans._ " The needle skipped on the record and I faltered, my steps suddenly stilted as I lost whatever connection I'd had to the music.

"Uff. Sorry, Gaster," I mumbled, frowning at my own feet. He chuckled again and helped guide me back to the pulse of sound with careful steps.

"No need to be sorry, Doll. Just try again, there we are."

The lesson continued the rest of the song. As the melody trickled away with its last few notes, Gaster took a step back, still holding my hand gently, and bowed at the waist, courtly and graceful. I giggled when he dropped a faux-kiss on the back of my hand and he chuckled in response, then reached out to ruffle my hair.

"Well, I think that's enough for the first lesson." He gave me a last pat on the head, then turned to his sons. "And you, Pap." His eyes narrowed playfully and I saw Papyrus wilting as he realized what was coming next. "You are still recovering from that cold, young man. Bed time."

"But  _Dada,_ " Paps whined. Sans hefted him up a bit on his hip as their father approached to take the smaller skeleton. 

"No buts. Come here now." Gaster scooped the kid up into his arms and- though he was still whining about how he didn't need a bedtime- Papyrus wrapped his arms around his father's neck and settled easily enough. "And you two, don't stay up too much later," Gaster said with a stern look for me and Sans as he headed toward the stairs.

"Sure, Dad." Sans waved at them lazily before ambling toward the record player and fiddling with it. It took me a moment to realize he was switching the records. The music picked up again, a little softer than before, but this song had more of a beat to it, more rhythm. The sound seemed to dance around us all on its own, and I found myself nodding along to it without actually deciding to do so. I tried to start moving a little more, shifting from side to side with little swaying baby steps.

"Well come on, ya gotta put a little more into it than that." Sans turned to me with a smirk and held out a hand. "Dance with me?"

 

_*Present Day*_

 

A week had passed, and still no sign of Frisk. I had promised Jill a week, so it was back to business as usual, according to her. Well, not that she said it out loud,but it was impossible not to read it in her tone when she called me the night before I was supposed to be back at work, just to make sure I would be in on time.

I was honestly impressed with myself when I didn't cuss her out right then and there. It was hard to remind myself that these people weren't invested the way i was, they couldn't possibly know what I did. To them, Frisk's disappearance and presumed death was a tragic accident, but there was nothing more to be done about it. If I was being perfectly honest, it was actually incredibly understanding of Jill to even give me the week, especially considering I taught more classes in the summer.

Because how could a child survive a fall into that pit at the top of Mount Ebott? It just wasn't possible.

But it was noon, which meant my second class was arriving, and I had to go on with my day like the world wasn't falling apart around me... Okay, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but damnit that's what it felt like!

Mollie and Andre were the first in, as usual since their mothers carpooled, switching weeks on and off. After that came Tammy and Tabby, sisters whose parents I _swear_ must have been drunk when they decided on those names. Beckett, Natalie, Chrissie, Lola, Rose, and...ah, there was Caleb.

The eager batch of kids raced around the studio, swapping sneakers and flip-flops for ballet flats and shedding the t-shirts or wraps they'd been wearing over their dance clothes, chatting eagerly with each other as though they didn't see one another once a week. I couldn't help smiling, catching Tabby- the youngest by a year- under the arm when she tottered awkwardly on one foot as she tried to adjust her tights.

Once everyone was dressed and accounted for, I clapped my hands twice and called out, "Alright, kidlets, settle down! Who's ready to get started?"

The kids hurried to form a semicircle on the studio floor and looked up at me expectantly. I smiled and took my place in the circle. "Okay, let's start with some stretches."

* * *

 I'd be lying if I said I wasn't distracted during the lesson. The kids didn't notice, too focused on learning the new six-bar routine I'd come up with for them to rehearse. It was meant to be a part of this class's piece for the Sunset Recital (Jillian's "catchy" name for the mini-recital the studio held at the end of every summer session), and they were all excited at the prospect, especially the newer ones who hadn't been with the studio long.

Frisk had been one of those kids, just two weeks ago. It had taken so long to get them to start to come out of their shell, then all at once they'd thrown themselves into their lessons. When I asked about the change after one class while waiting for their foster dad to come pick them up, they'd told me it was because they wanted to do a good job at the recital.

 _I want everyone to have fun dancing. I want to have fun with them,_ they'd signed with a shy little smile.

God, they were such a sweet kid. One wrong step and the Underground would eat them alive.

I hurriedly shook that thought from my head and managed to pause the music before it moved on to the bit the kids hadn't learned yet and they started getting confused. "Alright, great job, kidlets! Lola, Rosie, Andre, think you could step over here with me a minute to start to learn the next couple bars? Everyone else keep practicing!" 

I started the music again- on repeat this time so I didn't have to constantly monitor my phone, and gathered the three kids close around me. They were the "leaders" this week, so they'd learn the next set of steps and help me teach the rest of the class next week.

I managed to get through their next set- eight bars this time- before I sent them back to keep practicing. Then soon enough it was time for the kids to start packing up, and for me to pick the leaders for the next week- random names we drew from a toe shoe. 

"Okay then, Tabby, Chrissie, Nat, you'll be the leaders next week, got it? Thanks girls." They beamed and nodded at me as they pulled their street clothes on over their leotards. I smiled around at the clustered children who were back to chattering and shoving playfully- perhaps a little too hard in Beckett's case, so I caught his shoulder and gave him a stern look. He mumbled and apology to Caleb, who shrugged it off. "Great class today, kidlets, keep it up! I'll see you all next week."

"Bye, Miss Dahlia!"

"Thank you!"

"See you next week."

"Bye-bye, thanks!"

They called their goodbyes as they dashed through the studio doors and back to the lobby, where most of their parents were probably already waiting. I managed to wait until I was alone in the room before I sort of caved in on myself, robotically beginning to pack the speakers and a few extra supplies I'd brought along into my bag. I'd managed to field the two or three "Where's Frisk?"s from some of the younger kids- before the older ones hushed them with "haven't you heard" and "didn't your parents tell you" and "they ran away". It hadn't been too much of a disruption, but still...there was an empty space in the class, and I knew  _I_ felt it. Kids were sensitive to that sort of thing, they must have felt it too.

"Where are you?" I murmured to myself with a frown as I straightened up and slung my bag over my shoulder. I gave Jill a cursory wave as I made my way back through the lobby and out to the parking lot to find my dinged up old car.

At least I was clearheaded getting home: it only took one accidental near-trip to Mount Ebott. Cat was as happy to see me as ever, purring and rubbing against my legs. I scooped her up and cuddled her to my chest with a long, heavy exhale as I moved toward the kitchen.

"Mrrow?" She scrambled up onto my shoulder as I started pulling out a pot and filling it with water to set to boil.

"Yeah, pasta. Again." I squinted my eyes shut and rubbed at my temple. "It's easy, and I'm tired. Don't judge me."

Cat purred and draped herself around my shoulders as I started cooking. I couldn't stop myself from humming softly as I worked, an old habit I'd never been able to break. Once upon a time I might have even danced across the kitchen to fetch the noodles and the spices from the pantry- but now I was just too tired. Outside of classes, I didn't do much dancing anymore.

 

_*Fifty Years Ago*_

 

Sans hands rested gently on my sides as he guided me along to the sway and beat of the music. "There, see, you're getting it." He grinned and raised a hand to twirl me playfully, and I giggled.

"This isn't like what Gaster was teaching me," I pointed out with another small laugh as Sans did one of those popping, sharp movements, then spun on his heels and extended his hand to me again.

He rolled his eyes and held my hands in his, swaying us back and forth. "Yeah, Dad likes the old fashioned stuff. Waltzing and all that. Which is fine, but sometimes you gotta find your own beat." He released one of my hands to click his fingers, and blue sparks jumped from the contact. I chuckled a bit and tried to mimic his sharper, freeze-and-move steps. I was failing spectacularly, but we were both giggling. "Yeah, alright, Doll! Go for it."

With another laugh I spun away from him and flung my arms out wide, then pulled them in close to my body. The music ebbed and flowed in my body, a tide I could feel in my blood, in my Soul. I closed my eyes and lifted my arms above my head in a smooth, languid movement, placed one foot delicately in front of the other, rocking from my back heel to my front toes. Spin on my toes, arms outstretched, head thrown back, one leg lifted and curled in toward my knee...

"...Holy crap."

Sans' voice brought me to a staggering halt and I gasped, snapping my eyes open as I twisted to face him. He was wide eyed, watching the violet sparks that had trailed from my fingers drift toward the floor.

For a few moments I didn't entirely understand what I was seeing. I raised one hand to my face and just stared at it, then lifted my own startled gaze to Sans'. "Did...I just...?"

He shook his head- not in denial, more in disbelief. "Doll...holy  _crap._ Can you do it again?"

"I- I don't know." Nervous now, I stared at the hand in front of my face, then at the skeleton watching me eagerly. I could still sort of... _feel_ the music, even though the record had stopped. I could feel that inner tide, and they way it pushed and pulled at something in my Soul... Cautiously, I took a breath, raised my hand, and snapped my fingers.

A small shower of purple sparks cascaded from my fingers and I felt a jolt in my chest, warmth and a tingly sensation like nothing I'd ever felt before. 

My jaw dropped and I looked up at Sans, similarly stunned. "Was that...magic?"

Slowly, he started to grin. "Yeah, Doll. I think it was." In a sudden, uncharacteristic burst of movement, he darted forward and grabbed my hand, then started tugging me up the stairs. "C'mon! We gotta show Dad."

 

_*Present Day*_

 

Magic.

Empty bowl on the coffee table in front of me, I held my hand in front of my face and twisted it slowly back and forth, frowning.

 _Click_!

I snapped, and a shower of sparks burst from the click of my fingers to fall into my lap, dusting Cat's fur. She purred a little louder in her sleep and curled up tighter. I sighed and stroked a hand down her back.

Well, that little trick still worked. But that had been one of the first things to come back after I'd thought my magic was gone forever. Other tricks, Big Magic...that still eluded me. Scrying in particular was an endless, fruitless frustration.

"Why am I so useless?" I groaned, letting my head fall into my lap- well, onto Cat, more accurately. She grumbled her discomfort and wriggled away from me to flounce her way into the bedroom, tail twitching primly. "Right. Thanks for the encouragement," I mumbled to my knees, flipping her off as she went.

But she had a point. I wasn't exactly doing anyone any good just...moping out here. With a muttered curse and a few choice words about cats and their sense of superiority, I gathered up the dishes and dumped them into the sink. I could wash them tomorrow, that just wasn't going to happen tonight. Barely suppressing a yawn, I staggered my way into the bedroom and quickly stripped, grabbed an old t-shirt and threw it on, then climbed under the covers.

Fuck hygiene. No face washing or shower for me tonight. I needed sleep.

* * *

  _Darkness all around me. No, not darkness exactly, just...emptiness. Nothing. Endless nothing._

_The Void._

_"Gaster?" My voice was thin and flat, not echoing the one I'd for some reason expected it to. "Gaster! GASTER!"_

_No answer. There never was._

_I_ _started running. Well, whatever passed for running in this no-place, where my feet touched nothing and nothing brushed against my cheeks as I moved from nowhere to nowhere, panting nothing-air and clawing at the nothing as though that might make it_ something  _but it was all just nothing nothing nothing NOTHING._

_"Help!" My breath was ragged, my voice far too small for how loudly I screamed. "Somebody help! Get me out of here! Help me! Help, please!"_

_I didn't trip. There was nothing to trip on. But my legs gave out, my body so exhausted from trying to make sense of the no-space around it. I collapsed to my knees, gasping desperately, looking around as though something might miraculously appear out of the Void. "Gaster..." I wrapped my arms around my middle, whimpering. I hated the sound, hated the fear, hated how_ helpless  _I was. "Gaster...Dad, please..." A sob caught in my throat and I buried my face in my hands. "Please, Daddy, I need help. Please..."_

_"Help me."_

"Doll..."

_Someone please...please help...I'm lost, I'm so scared. Please._

"Doll."

_Please..._

* * *

 "Doll."

A gentle hand shook me awake and I gasped, blinking and looking around wildly as I scrambled to sit up. I was home, in my bed. It had been a dream, just a dream. I wasn't trapped in the Void, I wasn't alone. I was home, and I was with...

Slowly, painfully slowly, my eyes followed the skeletal fingers resting on my shoulder to the arm, the shoulder, up the neck, finally to the face. My breath caught in my throat, chest going tight, eyes burning with unshed tears. My fingers clenched in the covers as I resisted the urge to reach out to touch him, a sob working its way up out of my throat. "H-Hi..."

Sans grinned, one eye flaring dull blue for an instant. "Hey, Doll. Miss me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaaaa...please don't hate me.
> 
> I'll try to get the next chapter up soon!


	6. Once Upon a Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dahlia spends some time wavering between dreams and reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter is, unsurprisingly, "Once Upon a Dream" from good ol' fashioned "Sleeping Beauty". Pick whichever version is your favorite ^.^
> 
> (If I were you, I'd go with something a little...darker...)

He couldn’t be here. This couldn’t be real. I clenched my eyes shut. _Not real not real not real._

I opened my eyes and he was sitting on the edge of my bed, one hand braced behind him while the other scratched absently at the back of his skull, head tilted back so his eyes could flicker searchingly over the ceiling.

That’s when I saw it. Outside my window, snowflakes dancing gracefully through the midnight shadows, no shimmer of street lights. A view I’d seen a thousand times from my bedroom in Snowdin.

Despite that fact that I _knew_ this would happen, this was the explanation, I caught my breath as disappointment ripped a ragged hole in my belly. _A dream. You’re dreaming, Dahlia. Still dreaming._

But still…sometimes these dreams…

“Hey, stranger,” I breathed cautiously, very slowly pushing myself up onto one arm. Sans twisted to look at me and I could have melted as I saw the way his expression softened, the wariness leaving his eyes and the tension bleeding from his shoulders.

“Hey there.” He smirked and leaned in until our foreheads almost touched. I tried to ignore the way my breath caught in my throat and my Soul ached. “Just woke up here and saw you were still asleep. Figured I’d let you rest, you looked like you needed it.” He raised a hand to cup my cheek and I leaned into his touch, clenching my eyes shut. "Then...well, looked like you were having a nightmare." He frowned and brushed his thumb over my cheek. "You alright?"

I couldn't really handle that question just yet. “How much do you remember?” I whispered instead, silently trying to will away the hollow ache in my stomach.

There was a moment of silence, a held breath, then he sighed quietly. “I’m dreaming,” he murmured as he realized, or remembered. “And…I don’t know where we are. Because it’s where _you_ are, when you’re awake. This isn’t the first time this has happened, but I don’t know…” He frowned and pulled back slightly, though his hand remained curved against my cheek. “I’m…I’m the only one who forgets. You remember all of these, don’t you?”

I nodded and finally looked up to meet his eyes. Unable to stop myself even if I’d wanted to, I gave in to the burning need to touch him, reaching up to stroke his cheek in return. It was like everything clicked into place, I could feel my Soul start to hum beneath my breast. “I do. I’m sorry.”

He quirked a brow ridge at me even as I felt him start to nuzzle into my hand. “Why’re you apologizing?”

A rather mirthless chuckle stuttered its way out of my throat and I shook my head, reaching up to swipe at my eyes automatically. “I’m not really sure- nothing, never mind.” I tried for a smile, and this time it came more naturally. “It’s…really good to see you,” I whispered.

“Hey, hey.” His thumb ghosted across my cheek, just beneath my eye, and I glanced up to see him watching me with something like baffled concern. “Don’t cry,” he murmured. “Please don’t cry, Doll.”

I turned my face into his hand and kissed his palm, eyes clenched shut. "I miss you so much," I managed to choke out, holding sobs at bay with more willpower than I'd really thought I'd had. Everything was too much, Frisk, these resurfacing memories, that dream, and now...now  _this._

"Babydoll..." He leaned in to nuzzle at my temple, stroking my hair with one hand while the other came to rest at the small of my back as he pulled me into his chest. "I miss you too," he whispered, kissing my forehead. I bit down  _hard_ on my lip to keep from bursting into tears. My Soul felt like it was battering against the inside of my ribs, trying to reach him.  _Calm down, calm down._

Sans suddenly gave an almost nervous sort of chuckle and I glanced up to see a distinct blue glow emanating from under his shirt. I laughed a little too, though the sound had a distinctly watery edge to it. "Looks like neither of us are particularly good at hiding our emotions just now," I noted with a wry little smile.

He winced good-naturedly and rubbed at the back of his head. "I mean, can ya blame me?" he joked. At least, the cadence of a joke was there, but his tone was too tired to really carry it through. "It's been, what? Ten- eight...teen..." A slowly dawning horror grew in his eyes and I dropped my gaze, unable to hold his. "Doll...I can't remember how long it's been since you- you disappeared. Why can't I... _why_ did you...?" The pain and confusion in his voice was heartbreaking, and I felt my Soul shudder.

I pressed a hand to my mouth and took a deep breath in an effort to will myself not to just burst into sobs. "Sans- God, baby, I'm so sorry, but I don't know if I have time to tell you. Not this dream."

Sans frowned. "Doll, what do you mean?  _Why can't I remember_?" There was an edge of panic to his voice that had me reaching out to clasp his hands instinctively- then I drew back, not sure if the touch would be welcomed or dismissed. I shook my head and forced the ache in my chest to subside, just for a little while.

"Sans, I need you to listen to me, okay? I'm not sure how much longer this dream will last." I reached out again and actually did take his hands this time, holding tight until he fixed his eyes on mine. Confusion still swam in their depths, the left flickering between green and gold- grief and an instinctive warning. "I don't have time to explain everything- even if I did I'm not sure that I  _could._ I still don't understand a lot of what happened." I took a breath. "When- when the accident with the Core happened, Gaster and I were there. I'm not sure how much of that you remember, but you were close by. Gaster tried to get you to leave, but you wanted- you wanted to help us."

I could see he was going to start asking questions, so I swallowed thickly and hurried on, "Sweetheart, I'm sorry but I  _don't know why_  any of this happened. Believe me, I wish I did." It haunted me every day. "I just know that sometimes,  _sometimes_ , even though you don't really remember me out there you remember other things. Maybe pieces of what I've told you, maybe your own residual memories, I don't know." My words were tumbling over each other by now. "Sans, there's a kid. They fell, about a week ago now. They need help, and I- I can't give it to them. You're the only one, you and Pap. Please, please, try to remember that,  _please_. You have to help them, they'll be lost and scared and-"

My voice choked off and I pressed my hands over my mouth, shoulders shaking as I tried to force back sobs. Sans was still, silent, just sitting there. I clenched my eyes shut.  _I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I never meant for this to happen, I wish...I wish..._

Slowly, I felt his hands on my shoulders, then his arms slipped around my back to pull me against his chest. "Okay." His voice was quiet, barely a breath. He nuzzled my temple and left a kiss there. "Okay, Doll. I'll try." Giving in to the urge to hold him back I flung my arms around him and pressed my face into his collar with a barely suppressed sniffle. His hands stroked my back and he tightened his embrace. "I think...I think I can hold onto that thought. Not sure  _how_ I'll remember it in the real world though," he murmured.

I nodded. I still had no idea how that worked, I didn't know if I ever would: sometimes Sans came to these dreams and it was like he remembered everything, almost right up until the accident. He'd tell me that in the waking world there was a sense of  _missing pieces_ he knew must be me and Gaster, but it wasn't until the dreams that he fully understood he was missing actual memories. Gaster was easier to recall- he'd left an impact on the Underground that was impossible to avoid. Sometimes when he was awake, he said, he even remembered what it was like to have him as a father.

But then sometimes he'd appear in a dream and he knew so little. How long we'd been separated. How many years I'd lived with his family. He couldn't remember why our Souls lit up and reached out for each other.

Once, terrifyingly, he'd looked at me as though he was seeing a complete stranger.

So I had no idea how much of what I'd told him would stay with him when he woke- if anything at all- even in the smallest ways. I curled my fingers into the collar of his shirt and turned my face into his neck, breathing deeply. He smelled like home. Home and...ketchup. Still sniffling, I prodded his shoulder gently. "You said you were gonna start cutting back on the ketchup."

Sans chuckled tiredly and stroked my hair, then let his hand rest against the back of my head. "Yeah, well. Can you really hold a guy to a promise he doesn't remember making?"

Once upon a time I might have called him on it anyway, but I was just too tired. I sighed and let myself sort of slump against him, finally lifting my head to look at his face. His hand came up to cup my cheek, gently brushing hair out of my eyes. "Thank you," I murmured, leaning into the touch. "I know...this can't be what you wanted from me tonight, but I  _need_ to find a way to keep them safe. Get them home."

"I understand." He leaned in to kiss my forehead. "And honestly, Doll, I have  _very_ little idea of what's actually going on, so I can't really  _want_ anything from you." His thumb traced down my cheek to hover at my lower lip and the light in his eyes was suddenly drowned out by the pulsing blue glow of his Soul. "Well. Nothing outside the usual, anyway," he quipped with a sideways smirk, voice low and rumbling.

I shivered. Despite everything, just hearing that edge to his voice was enough to send a tingle down my spine, my stomach flipping pleasantly as my own Soul hammered against the inside of my breastbone. "We probably don't have time," I pointed out softly, smiling just a little. The smile faded quickly though and I added with a tired sigh, "And even if we did... It doesn't feel right, Sans. It's- it's not the same in a dream."

His thumb traced my lips and he tilted his head slightly. "Yeah... Yeah, you're right." With a sigh of his own, he leaned in until our foreheads touched. "I hate it when that happens," he grumbled.

I chuckled quietly, the echo of tears trailing the sound, and wrapped my arms loosely around his neck. "Too bad for you I'm almost always right," I teased softly.

He snorted and shucked me under the chin. _"Only_ in your dreams." Before I could retort, he'd tilted his head down just a fraction and his mouth covered mine.

 _Yes yes_ yes, _perfect. Stay here forever._ My Soul had finally settled, burning away happily. My breath hissed and I arched up a bit into the kiss, sliding my hands up to cup his face between my palms. One skeletal hand dragged gently down my back and my spine curved in as a stuttering gasp was pulled from my throat. Sans started to chuckle, but I silenced him with another, fiercer kiss.

It wasn't  _really_ what either of us wanted, but it would do for now.

Our Souls pulled toward each other almost magnetically, until we were pressed chest to chest. He tilted his head to deepen the kiss and I let myself tip backward until I was lying on the bed with him arched over me, kissing me hungrily, like I was air and he was drowning. I slid one hand around to find that small, uneven dimple in the vertebrae of his neck, scratching at it lightly with my nails. I was rewarded with a sharp gasp and a full body shiver.

I'm not sure quite when our Souls manifested, but suddenly they were both there, crushed between our chests. Blue met violet and magic sparked, lashing around the two hearts to bind them together, their light infusing each other until both were almost indigo.

My eyes went wide and I ripped away from the kiss with a small cry, trying to pull my Soul back into my body.

"Stars, Doll!" Sans sagged next to me, panting, eyes a dim blue. "I- wow, I guess it's been longer than I thought." He must have seen the way I was shaking, because instantly the hazy pleasure in his voice was replaced with concern. "Doll? What's wrong?" He reached up to grasp my shoulder and I flinched, looking away.

"I shouldn't have done that," I whispered, now clutching my Soul to my chest. "I wanted to, oh  _God,_ I wanted to, but I shouldn't have. I thought if it wasn't- if it wasn't too much I could manage, but-" Tears clogged my throat and I shook my head. "I'm sorry, Sans," I sniffed, eyes tight shut. "I'm so sorry." It felt like I was leading him on, somehow, and the guilt was enough to crush me.

But the worst part was that, even through the guilt, I  _wanted_ to keep going. I wanted not to care, as long as it meant I could touch him and kiss him and we could just  _be_ together-

"Doll?" His voice sounded confused, and...fainter. I opened my eyes to see a slight shimmer around the edges of his form. Our eyes locked and I whispered, "No, please, just a little longer."

He reached out and I took his hand, lacing our fingers together. "I love you," I whispered as we both started to fade. The room became swimming shadows. His mouth moved, but I couldn't make out what he said.

Then I woke up.

* * *

How do you wake up from something like that? How do you get up, get out of bed, and go about your day as if you're life isn't turned upside down, your heart aching in your chest, an old wound that refuses to heal.

In my experience, coffee is a helpful aide in that endeavor. Certainly not a cure-all, but it at least kicked my ass in the right direction. Hecate perched on my shoulder as I moved sluggishly through the apartment- I didn't have a class until 4:45, so trying to motivate myself to actually _do_ anything before at least noon was proving to be a struggle.

I had to clean up everything I'd put off the night before: which was a sort of sweet torture, catching me between distracting myself with physical movement and feeling like a useless waste of time because what was the damn  _point_?

I hated those dreams, almost as much as I'd craved them. I'd been having them ever since I'd left the Underground- sometimes I'd go months at a time without one, then suddenly I'd have five or six in a row. Nothing I did seemed to really give me any control over them, and Sans...

Well. When he was awake, he barely even remembered that I had existed, let alone had been a part of his life.

It was the Void. I knew it, I knew it had something to do with that endless nothing, but I- I just didn't know  _what._ And it wasn't like there was a whole lot of research into the topic above-ground that I could look at. Honestly, there hadn't been that much Underground. Even there was Void was more of a concept that we discussed over dinner after Gaster had a long day in the lab, not an actual phenomena to be studied.

But it had  _done_ something to me, when we passed through. I could feel it. In more than just my magic, in my Soul. Something was different...

Cat suddenly sprang onto my shoulder, startling me out of my thoughts and nearly making me toss my half empty coffee mug out the window. "Gack!" I glowered at her as she started kneading my stomach and just blinked up at me innocently. "Oh, what do  _you_ know?" I muttered petulantly. Then I sort of chuckled to myself and added conversationally, "Although, knowing cats, I wouldn't be surprised if you'd taken a trip through the Void yourself. In fact, I'm almost positive the whole lot of you come from there, ya little weirdo."

I scratched behind her ears and she purred louder.

"Silly thing." I sighed and leaned forward to carefully place my mug on the coffee table. "Look, I've gotta get ready to go soon, so you have to let me up-"

A strange sort of tingling sensation, like a limb that's gone numb suddenly regaining feeling, began to spread up my spine. I stiffened, arching my back as though that would make the feeling go away, but it just spread. It started at the small of my back, then traveled down over my hips to my thighs, calves, feet, and up my spine to settle in my shoulders for a moment before shooting up into my skull.

I cried out and Cat sprang away from me with a startled yowl as I staggered to my feet. The world went blurry, spinning around me, I couldn't breathe, could barely think-

Darkness.

* * *

 

 How do you wake up from something like that? How do you get up, get out of bed, and go about your day as if you're life isn't turned upside down, your heart aching in your chest, an old wound that refuses to heal.

In my experience, coffee is a helpful aide in that endeavor. Certainly not a cure-all, but it at least kicked my ass in the right direction. Hecate perched on my shoulder as I moved sluggishly through the apartment- I didn't have a class until 4:45, so trying to motivate myself to actually  _do_ anything before at least noon was proving to be a struggle...

 

Wait.

 

What the hell had just happened?!

 

I froze, staring at my gently steaming cup of coffee. No. No way. This couldn't be- I had just-  _what the entire fuck?!_

 _"Cat_!" I dropped the mug, hearing it shatter against the floor and not caring as I raced to the bedroom- and there she was, in the exact same place she'd been at nine that morning, blinking at me and meowing her displeasure at having her nap disturbed. Just like...

My eyes flickered to the alarm clock. I clenched them shut, then opened them again. I pinched myself. I even smacked my cheeks lightly- aaaaand I'm not really sure what I expected that to do. 

Because it had been nearly two in the afternoon when I last looked at a clock.

And now it was 8:53AM.

"... _WHAT_?!"


End file.
